Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? A: One is a human while the other is an unidentified flying object.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's black, white, and red all over?? A penguin that just got hit by a truck and is now struggling to live.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses r Red Violets r Blue I'm schizophrenic So am i too!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist? He didn't believe in santa.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q:How many dead babies fit in a bathtub? A:It depends on the bathtub, but if all of them were the same size, babies also differ in size and sometimes shape. If all bathtubs and babies are the same, the number would be 1, because every baby will be as big as the bathtub.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the man say to his wife while having sex? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why are black people afraid of tigers? Because tigers eat people

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the woman say to her abusive husband? You're hurting me.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q- what the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? A- The Wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down +3

His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Hot Lady: What do you do for a living? Guy: Phosphorus, Oxygen, and Radon. Hot Lady: So you are a chemist? Guy: Think again! Think about Acronyms... Hot Lady: OPRa, so Opera correct? Guy: (Obviously talking to a Blonde) P, O, Rn Hot Lady: So, you are a chemistry teacher! Guy: (Sighs to himself thinking how PORn relates to chemistry. Which it does in biochemistry, but he does not know that).

thumb_up thumb_down -25

knock knock who's there? bell bell who? bellend

thumb_up thumb_down -39

How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Moves Like AJgger- Marron 5

thumb_up thumb_down +74

What happens when you throw a red rock into a purple river? It gets wet...

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call Eric Torres A furnace magnet

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Roses are red Violets are blue I rather sleep in the class Like a boss in the school -HairyBoss

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Polly went out for a cigarette. Then she was raped.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why was the cancer ward sad? They just lost a patient who couldn't ward off cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Well babies don't have the strength or coordination to hold a paint brush, so you may need to call some painters.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call postman pat when he is retired? Pat.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

If your flying upstream in a kayak and a wheel flys off, how many pancakes can fit into a dog house? None, because ice-cream is alergic to frogs!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the black kid get for Christmas? Your TV

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What happened to the woman who was raped? She was mentally scarred for life and finds it hard to trust men.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops