how many cucumbers dos it take to change a light bulb? none. cucumbers cant change light bulbs. dumbass.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the man say before he got stabbed? What are you going to do, stab me?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

You can go out to eat without posting it on Facebook.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? A) The color of their hair.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Wanna hear a joke? Womens' rights

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple Finding 2 worms in your apple

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you steal from a sushi buffet? You say please.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

a man dyslexic into bar walks a

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: My hands are queefing vaginas A: Milk isn't wearing underwears

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock-Knock Who's there? The UPS guy dumb ass

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Steve Jobs Died today. So did 56 million other people.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Donald trump walks into the whitehouse. He's there for a business meeting with the new president.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My family is dead

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A bunch of nuns were riding a three-seat bicycle. The seats were comfy and no one complained.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you stop the skunk from smelling, you rip it in half and bury the body therefore stopping the smells from escaping.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A duck walks into a pharmacy and says to the man behind the counter, "Do you have any ointment? my beak is very chapped" the man replies "we have nothing for ducks here."

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Someone asked me yesterday why my friend Portier is named after a sports car... I mean, fair enough, it is a common misconception but they live in the country and her Dad drives a tractor; think it through. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I enjoy the fact that the jokes I post that do not make me laugh, are the ones that get zero thumbs, while those that at least make me smile, get at least a couple, I admit thought that its hard to keep track with me, I type jokes so fast that they disappear in the back before people can thumb them... Have you heard... Of the dog that was barking up the wrong three? The three said: Damn dog! I am not a tree! The dog kept barking, as dogs do not speak. Moral: Numbers speak fluently in most languages though...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did one muffin say to the other? I don't know, but you need a psychiatrist.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Three women, a blonde a brunette and a readhead, jump out of an airplane without wearing parachutes. And this is why women should stay in the kitchen.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What's worse than finding your cat dead? Finding your cat dead because it choked on your goldfish.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why couldn't the pirate go to the movies? He had scheduling conflicts

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops