- Anti Joke

No really, try this: You: Say "knock, knock" Your friend: OK, knock knock You: Who's there? Your friend: ...... [this awkward pause makes evident the fact that it has now dawned on your friend that he has to generate content for a joke that he wasn't telling in the first place]

took my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry

Q.Why did Bruno Mars marry the blond? A.Because it was a beautiful night and he was looking for something DUMB to do.

Once upon a time, there was a boy. He was 12 years old. He is dad was rich from his business and so when it came time for his 12 year old boy to turn 13 he insisted on buying the boy whatever he wanted. He thought that the imagination of a 12 year old boy might in fact humour him, even if the cost of such a present reached the millions. He asked his son "Son, a very special day's coming up", his son smirked "I know Dad". "Well, what would you like?" asked the Dad. His son pondered for several seconds before replying, "honestly Dad, all I want it 12 Pink Ping Pong balls". The Dad, curious and a little disappointed asked "of course son, but why?". His son replied "I can;t say, I'd just like them for my birthday please". And so on his thirteenth birthday, he indeed received 12 Pink Ping Pong balls. His Dad thought nothing of it until next year, when he asked his son "what would you like for your birthday this year son? A new 82-inch Tv for you toilet, or how about a new jet?". His soon blew the hair out of his eyes and said, "Dad, all I want is room full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad again agreed but asked "why Pink Ping Pong balls son?". His son replied "I'll tell you when I get them". True to his word when the boy turned 14, he received a whole room full of Pink Ping Pong balls and his Dad asked him "now why did you want them son". But his son replied "I'll tell you next year". Rather reluctantly his Dad agreed. The day came again next year and his Dad said "15 years old son! Your growing up rather fast aren't you? Soon you'll be seeing girls, going to parties, turning the Prime Minister's invitation to dinner and instead sneaking out of the house and going to a strip club where all the girls are in a glass cube and you just through food at them and watch them eat it....", his son stared at him. "But what do you want son?". His son ran a hand through his short hair, "Dad, can I have a semi-trailer full of Pink Ping Pong balls?" His dad, now rather worried about his obsession asked "Of course but why?" And his son once again replied "I'll tell you when I get them". His dad obliged and bought his son a semi trailer full of Pink Ping Pong balls and then asked "Now so, you promised to tell me, why?". His son opened the door to the truck trailer and inspected his produce "...next year dad, next year". His dad paused, shrugged, then walked away. As his son neared his 16th birthday his father again asked him, "son, what'll it be this time?". His son replied "uuuummm, a car?", His dad was about to agree when his son said, "actually no. I would like a 747 Boeing Jet full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad stared at him. This was getting weirder and weirder and more costly. His father then remembered the last time he looked at his bank account he had stopped counting at 10th zero, and so he agreed that for his sons 16th birthday he'd get a 747 Boeing Jet full of Pink Ping Pong balls. They both watched the giant jet land, and his dad asked "why son?" and his son looked at the jet, then down at the ground, then up at his father "next year dad". His dad having gotten used to this response turned and walked back to his limo. On the boys 17th birthday eve his dad loyally asked him "17 son, your nearly a man, what do you want?" His dad didn't flinch when his son replied "....a shipment of Pink Ping Pong balls". His Dad dismissed the cost of such a thing, they were imported that way anyway. As they both stood upon the wharf and watched the enormous tanker dock, smelling the sea breeze and the barge fumes, and father looked at him and his son replied knowingly "when I'm 18 dad". And so a year later it was nearly the boy, well adult's, 18th birthday. His father said to him "okay son, I've done you the honour in buying you your very first car! Actually there's several, I got you a Bugatti Veyron, Lamborghini Reventon, a customised McLaren F1 that can go underwater, a - " "Actually dad", his son interrupted, "I want 10 warehouses full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad stopped, "Okay son, for you. But I'm still giving you the cars". The son and his Dad both shook hands on it and sure enough the 18 year old boy had his gigantic series of hanger, full of Pink Ping Pong balls. Roughly 4 months after his 18th birthday, his son was driving one of his cars his father had bought him. After driving at speeds in excess of 350km/h he had skidded out of control, rolled the car and ended up being transported by helicopter to the emergency ward. He was critically injured and lay in his hospital bed, attached to many machines, monitors and medications. His father was right by his side, and when awoke he groggily said to his Dad, "Dad, I'm dying", his Dad replied "NO your NOT son, your stronger, your stronger..". "I ask one thing of you before I die" his son said. His father nodded "anything". "I want....one Pink...Ping Pong ball...". His father looked at him long and hard, " I will get it, but you have to promise me, as you have over all these years, why Pink Ping Pong balls." His son nodded weakly. And so his father left and returned with, as he promised, one Pink Ping Pong ball. He knelt next to his son and gently wakened him, "son, here it is" and he put the ball into his son's hand. "Now son, tell me, why Pink Ping Pong balls?". He son licked his lips and said "Well Dad," and then he died.

Woody Allen once said, "I have had many romantic relationships in my life that were both complex and humorous."

What happens when the hydro goes out for 1 second? 1 minute? 1 hour? 1 day? 1 month? 1 year? -1.8 people die. 105 people die. 6,306 people die. 151,338 people die. 4,603,198 people die. 55,238,376 people die. Aw shit, then you have to take account for how many people die of starvation :\, and the ones who froze to death, and the ones who died from heat stroke, And the ones who died of Alzheimers.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Well, one must question: 1. How much the electrician knows when it comes to screwing in lightbulbs. 2. The amount of electricians present at the scene. 3. The type of equipment being used in the process. 4. The physical and mental stability of the electrician. The situation is solely dependent on the above factors.

How do you drown a blonde? Force her head underwater until she can no longer breathe, thus shutting down her brain and killing her.

When is the right time to have sex with a 16 year old? After consent from her parents

What can a bench do, that a south African man cant? Support a family. (I HOPE THAT WASN'T RACIST)

What do you do when a elephant is sitting on your fence? You hit it with a fridge

How do you keep black people out of your back yard? Just like you would anyone else: buy a dog.

Q: What kind of bees make milk? A: None. Bees make honey, not milk.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? I threw a refrigerator at it

Mario walks into a bar A yak walks into a bar An orange walks into a bar 30 men barf in a juicy yot

2 guys shot up a morgue..... 13 bodies remain dead.

Knock Knock Who's there? I said who's there? The man opens the door to find there was no one there and begins to shake in fear as his schizophrenia is getting worse.

jess yawns with no hands in front of her mouth. true story.

>>---------------------------------[ knee ]------------------------->>>

A black guy stands outside the Tigers stadium with a cigar and tries to sell tickets... noone buys them... I have a comlplete raging boner and I'm gonna go beat off!

How does Fred drink his milk? -computer

What does the fox say? Nothing a fox is incapable of speech.

a horse walks into the bar. the bartender asks why the long face.

What's worse than getting arrested? getting arrested on your birthday.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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