What are the similarities between aaron ash and a cow? they both have 7 stomachs.

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They say "You are what you eat." In that case, I'm a pussy.

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Yo mamma so crazy She chloroformed a 4 year old and put her in her trunk and no one has ever heard of her since.

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Pete and repeat are in a boat. Pete kills him self due chronic depression. Repeat laughs his ass off

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Whats the funniest part about 911? Over 1,000 People Died

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I AM DISSAPOINTED

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What do andy and Justin Bieber have in common? they are both 5'7

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1: Ask if I'm a truck. 2: Uh... Are you a truck. 1: No.

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What did the cat say to the towel? Meow.

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One early Christmas morning i went downstairs. My mother told me that she had gotten me the ultimate stocking stuffer. It was a foot

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How do you get a fat man to drop a brownie? Make fun of him until he kills himself, and then drops the brownie.

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my whole life!

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So i broke up with my girl, here her number... SIKE!! ITS THE WRONG NUMBAHHH!!!

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whats your name? bumder:)

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what do you make if you get a cow, then kill it. ...Steak

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What the flower say to the bird. Nothing

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How do you kill a lawyer? Stab him 50 times in the chest, slit him open and take all of his organs out one by one. Burn what you have left. That should do the trick. OMG I AM EVIL

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why did everyone laugh at the kid in the wheel chair as he entered the room? he was poor

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what happened to the man who got hit by a truck driven by Obama? he died.

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Reality is often boring. TV is often bad for you. Reality TV is boring AND bad for you.

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She had finished her breakfast and had to get to her job as a firefighter.

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What's the difference between an airplane and a cantaloupe? What? Wow your a dumby head.

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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If life throws you lemons, get under some shelter so you don't get pelted by flying fruit and worry about making lemonade later.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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