Hi

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Why cant Jesus play rugby? Cause he's nailed to a cross

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Alister Darling plucks his eyebrows.

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What's the difference between people who make dead baby jokes and people who don't make dead baby jokes? I don't avoid eye contact with people who don't make dead baby jokes.

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IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

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Okay, then I am taking the last comment back then.

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why was the boy crying? ... because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Military intelligence.

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why did the little girl get her hair cut? she has cancer.

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Call me Mr. Flinstone, for that is my surname.

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A man named Cecil walks into a bar. He then orders a drink.

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why did model 602734 have tests? he didn't

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Two black guys walk into a country club and ask to play a round of golf. They are turned away because the aren't members of the club.

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Neither have I

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Why didn't Suzie Fall off the Swings? She Has no legs and couldn't get on

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why couldn't the one armed man juggle because it was snowing outside and his one room flat was to small

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Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far away from its body.

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb 500 , 1 to hold the lightbulb, 499 to spin the house

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Why does the little boy play video games all the time? Because he is socially awkward and has no friends.

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What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? There's no such thing. 500,000 people can't fit onto one plane.

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civil rights

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Roses are red violets are ponies I dont know what to say mircowave

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What did the homeless man do with his trolley of aluminium cans He took them to the scrapyard and sold them back for money as this is his only source of income right now

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Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 75% water. I can walk on babies. I am... In jail.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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