How do you annoy Lady Gaga? Stab her with a knife.

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What do you call two black men kicking a ball? Soccer.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a doorstep? A: Matt.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? No reply cause Kyle got knocked out by the door.

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what long hard and in a tight hole? a penis in a vagina

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What's black and white and red all over. Nothing, that's a contradiction.

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How do you turn a frown upside down? You cannot do such a thing because frowning is the act of sadness. Therefore you cannot nor should not change a persons attitude.

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Two Jews walk into a bar. They order martinis and have a wonderful time.

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A man decided to commit suicide. He did.

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whats the same about a spider and a grape? they both have eight legs, except for the grape.

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Why did the black guy get arrested? Homicide.

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A sheep walks into a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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*Look Down* Nice shoes, wanna F@#k?

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I was jaywalking when it hit me. You know, a car.

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A white straight man, a black gay man, and an Asian bisexual woman walk into a bar. They are enjoying their drinks until one overly intoxicated man makes a remark towards the group in reference to their diversity in race, sexual orientation, and sex. The bar crowd is enthused with the drunk man's genius in not only constructing a joke to cover all three categorical descriptions of the group, but in guessing each member's sexuality based on their respective appearances.

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An Israeli, a Palestinian and an American walk into a bar. The Israeli shoots the Palestinian and says it was self defence. The American agrees with him.

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Helena: Can u get me a pencil? Me: Sure. Me: Mr. Brandmeyer can u give me a pencil? Mr. Brandmeyer: Why? Me: I don't know. That's what Helena said.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: babies lack the intelligence and motor skills to accomplish such a task so it is not practical to hire them for a painting job.

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Christopher Reeve walks into a room.

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A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand." "What did you not understand?" And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there" "BOO" "BOO WHO" "No it's just BOO"

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My did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he’d rather be road kill, than be in the KFC right across the street,inside a kids meal,dead.

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Why is the light always red? Because the city has been in an economic depression and does not have the money to fix the traffic light's.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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