A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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What happened to the disabled man who went to Disneyland? He had a great time.

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How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? A: Pick him up and suck on his wang!

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What does a mexican do when he gets lost in the woods? He does his best to find food, shelter, and water until a search and rescue operation finds him.

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my name is piare (peeair) because my balder is empty

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What's Green and invisible? This cabbage --------------------------->>>>>

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Barack Obama

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What does a pelican and a taxman have in common? Both are bipedal, both are carbon-based lifeforms that procreate by DNA replication, both in all probablility eat fish, both have survival instinct, both require fresh water for hydration, both have five senses; vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell, both are capable of at least limited cognition, and both can turn aggressive when provoked.

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what did one cow say to the other cow. nothing as its mouth was filled with grass thus it could not speak or it would be deemed as rude.

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Why did Jimmy eat the apple? Because he was obese and needed to eat healthy because his doctor suggested it.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The mailman. I don't believe you.

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Your mumma is so fat, she has diabetes.

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Where did the watch-dog take the blind man on Saturday afternoon? Wherever the blind man wanted to go

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why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

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How dead people are in a graveyard? All of them

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What happens when you try to rescue a cat from a tree? It jumps on your face, falls down, and dies.

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What does Santa and a grape have in common? They're both purple, except Santa.

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A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" The parrot was his fathers. Do to severe mental and physical illness, he can no longer take care of it. He asked his son to take it, those were his last words as he slipped into a coma

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why was the black guy running from the cops? i dont know either

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What did the man say when he saw a truck in his yard? There's a truck in my yard.

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What did one chimney say to the other chimney. Nothing, chimneys dont talk.

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How many cupcakes are there in the world joe How many? I don't know I was asking you.

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Your mom is so fat, she has diabetes.

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You wanna pop a bottle? I hope you are referring to bottles of water as I am underage and I refuse to partake in any said consumption of alcoholic beverages

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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