- Anti Joke

One time i ate a hamberger than an hour later i sneezed but i dont think it had anything to do with the hamberger.

how do you spell ugly ? U G L Y.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I really hate poultry related jokes.

Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

A young christian boy walks into a church and gets raped

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

What did the doctor say to the minority, parapalegic after he barely escaped a fire alive? You just got burned!!

There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a nice man.

What happened when the Mexican lays his head on a pillow? He falls asleep

Whats worse than 4 dead babies in a bucket? finding an actual joke on Anti Joke.

whats blue and fuzzy?.... blue fuzz

haiku's are funny. but sometimes they don't make sense. refrigerator.

What do you call a man with an arrow to the knee? An ambulance because he's got a serious leg injury right there.

What do you call a moose with a 12 gauge shotgun bullet through it's head? Open Season

The Rock: What is your name? Jeff: My name is... The Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!

Whats funnier then a dead baby a dead baby dressed as a clown

How do you blind a Chinese man You put a blind fold on him

Why did Jesus and his friends get crucified? So they could sing: "Always look at the bright side of life" Moral: Monty Python?

How do you make a Fireman cry? You kill his family in a fire.

How do you get a jew out of an empty pool? Give him a lader

A boy writes an anti-joke. It is not funny. He sees his friends teasing him about the jokes stupidity. He promptly pokes his eyes out with a dull broom stick. He can still hear his friends mocking him. He cuts his ears off with an industrial meat slicer. He wakes up the next morning and doesnt give a crap about the prior days events. Mainly because he can no longer see or hear.

Did you hear the joke about the Israeli guy with the cruise missile down his pants? Me neither. I hope it's a good joke.

I jacked off over a blind girl the other day, she never saw me coming

If I give you 5 dollars, and you give me 5 dollars, then we both still have 5 dollars, which when combined will equal 10 dollars. Meaning we could buy something that cost's 10 dollars or less. But we should probably also factor in tax, so we should only buys something that costs a little over 9 dollars.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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