What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Tell her to inform the police that her significant other is assaulting them and that she should file a restraining order.

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The president, Oprah and Abraham Lincoln are sitting in a crashing airplane. lol

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1. In 2010, 8.8 million people fell ill with Tuberculosis. 2. Up to 70,000 children died in 2010 due to Tuberculosis. 3. Tuberculosis is the leading killer of people living with HIV with 1.4 million deaths. 4. Death from Tuberculosis has dropped 40% since 1990. 5. No country has ever eliminated Tuberculosis entirely. 6. About 46 million Tuberculosis patients have been successfully treated since 1995. 7. Children under 5 years old rarely get the disease. 8. Edgar Allen Poe’s mother, foster mother, and wife all died of Tuberculosis. 9. It can take up to 12 months to recover from Tuberculosis. 10. People with tuberculosis have symptoms such as cough that “won’t go away”, a cough that brings up blood, a fever lasting longer than 2 weeks, night sweats, fatigue, or noticeable amounts of acute weight loss. 11. Nearly 2 million people die from tuberculosis yearly. 12. Tuberculosis kills 5,000 people daily.

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What's better than a stick? A stone

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What is an Indian's favourite country? North Currya

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"Ask me if I'm a lamp." "Are you a lamp?" "No."

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead find a cliff that is supposed to turn you into something which you exclaim upon leaping from the cliff. The brunette jumps off and exclaims: BIRD! She thus falls to her death on a ton of pointy rocks. The other two loot her corpse and walk away.

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whats yellow sticky and smelly? I dont know i was asking you

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Knock Knock I have a door bell It's broken Oh

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What do you call a teenager who cant add? A Total Failure

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wanna hear a better joke? casey.

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Why did the man die? He helped others before placing his own oxygen mask on.

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Why did Harry Potter cast a spell on Chuck Norris' penis? Never mind.

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I am iron man 24 flavors in my van i am the icecream man i have met jackie chan

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what did the man say when he got in the car?nothing he lost his voice in an accient that morning

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What do a helicopter and a banana have in common? They are both edible. Except for the helicopter.

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European on my shoes, buddy.

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How did the dog die? It was wet because of the rain so the little boy put him in the microwave for 30 minutes to warm him up

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what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding several worms in your apple.

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Why is there a black president? Cause you voted for him. Thanks! Dick.

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The biggest lie in the world . . . I have read and agree to the Terms of Service

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What did Santa give little Susie for Christmas? Nothing, he raped her.

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Yo momma's so hairy when you were born you almost died from rug burn.

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How do you scare Sarah Palin? You chase her around with a chainsaw while wearing a Jason mask.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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