What did the duck with one leg say to the pirate? Woof.

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Why is Michael J. Fox so good at shake-a-weight? He is in shape.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's green and shitty? A bootleg stick.

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Some guy pretends to be Santa on the street. He touches a little girl and says "It's okay i'm Santa" So the pedophile Santa molestes the little girl. The little girl goes home and says that Santa touched her so the parents go looking for this guy. And then they find out he died of a heart attack.

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A chicken rode into town on a horse named Friday. He was later shot by a dyslexic Russian dinosaur.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

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What does the man do to his meat? He beats it.

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What do you get when you come across a blonde. Depression, because you want to do her, but you know that will never happen cause you spend to much time sitting on your ass looking at anti-jokes.

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A man removed Stephen Hawkings hand off his keyboard, what did Stephen say to the man? Nothing his hand isnt on the keyboard.

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What is the defference between an apple and a banana? Horses, because vests have no sleeves.

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Why did the little boy cry? His entire family was shot and killed at his elementary school play including his 6 year old sister who has down syndrome.

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What did the caterpillar say when he emerged from his chrysalis? I am a butterfly.

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What did the bodybuilder do when someone stole his wallet? Ab workouts.

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Dani Barton is not that! She is a great girl with a strong heart and feelings. The statement below is a joke, hence why it was published on AntiJokes. This is NOT a joke however.

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What do a grape and a plane have in common? They both have wings... except for the grape!

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A 65 year old man is tired with his life. He begins to realize that it is meaningless to him. He wants no part in the world anymore so he decided to commit suicide. On his way to commit suicide, he comes across a magical man that has an extraordinary offer. This magical man has offered to grant the 65 year old man the power to fly. The 65 year old man, accepts the offer in great interest, but the magical man wants something in return for his deed. The 65 year old man, offers all the money in his wallet to the magical man. The magical man accepts his offer of all the money and continues. With a flick of the wrist, the magical man says, "fly, fly, high as the sky, i grant this man the ability to fly". The 65 year old man is greatly excited now that he has the ability to fly. He cant wait to try out his new power. He runs to the nearest cliff and jumps. Too bad the "magical man" was really a male prostitute that was broke and homeless. The 65 year old man died on impact and the male prostitue walked away with a wallet full of cash.

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What do you call two men having sex with Oprah? Group sex.

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I could even argue that having blood on your penis is kinda fun sometimes.

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How do you turn that frown upside down? You move many muscles in your face.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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Reduce, reuse, recycle Anti-joke.com

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what did the kid say when he could not find his shoe? wheres my shoe?

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar, which happens to be holding a support group for dyslexic people tonight. The name of the bar and all patrons are palindromes to avoid confusion.

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A man walks into a Scottish bar and sits down. Another man sitting at the end of the bar recognizes him and says "Hello, I've heard of you, I must ask, how did you get your name?" He replies, "You see that wall out there, protecting the town? I built it with me own 2 hands, so they call me Jon the Wallbuilder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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