A man walks into a bar. He is genetically predisposed to alcoholism, and it's destroying his family.

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If I crash my car, how many trees does it take to cover my yard in orange juice, yellow, because a cat pissed on my foot.

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WNBA

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A man is walking down the beach and he spots an antique looking lamp in the sand, he picks it up and rubs it. Nothing happens and the man begins to cry realizing that his life is so dismal and pathetic he was ready to believe he had found a magic lamp. He proceeds to run into the water and bash himself senseless with a large rock until he passes out and drowns.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Holy crap, the garden's on fire.

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how do you get mhairi mcdonald to shut up? rip out her throat.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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How many mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.

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Q: What did the pedestrian say to the bus driver that hit him? A: Nothing, he died.

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Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

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Why is a bulldog so aggressive Because it was raised for dog fights in basements Dog fights aren't right kids, and you should never get involved but if you find yourself in the cage fighting one of the dogs, you should really think about how you got there.

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a gay guy walks into a bar what does he do? buys a drink after a hard day at work

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What's the difference between George Washington and Wiz Khalifa? George Washington died many years ago.

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What is the difference between a black man dead in the middle of the road... and a deer dead in the middle of the road? One is a human and one is an animal

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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why did the kids pull the fire alarm? because there was a fire.

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What's funny about 9/11. Nothing.

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why did the walrus sex with the jew because 911 created a sexual falafel

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because there were no cars coming

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What's the difference between a women's running team and a band of pygmies? Quite a lot.

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Why did the chicken cross the road Banana

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So 2 apples are having sex, and one apple sais to the other, I got worms.

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Will nearis is here! Get it

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An asian loses to you in starcraft..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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