So I have an idea that will solve both world population and hunger problems! I call it the Omni-Abortion law. The idea is that all babies must be aborted and then eaten. Progressive, right?

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What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

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Mamma why did the kids make fun of me today? I dont know.

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How do you get a dog off of your roof? Shoot it.

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Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell.

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Why didnt little timmy have a pencil? He was poor

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This is not a joke.... It is mind rape.

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Penal Dysfunction

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Whats 9 inches long, pink, and makes women scream? A miscarriage OuO

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A man and a bird are on the edge of a cliff. The man falls off and dies and the bird flies away because birds can fly and people can't.

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Why did the student go to university? To pursue a higher education.

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What do you call something round and red that tastes like a tomato and shoots through walls? A Super Tomato. And what do you call a banana that shoots through walls? A banana trying to be a Super Tomato.

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so he says "aaahhh". then i threw a fridge at him

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While walking along the beach, a man stubs his toe on a half buried lamp. He picks it up, dusts it off, and a enormous Genie appears in front of him. "You have released me from my 10,000 year imprisonment. I will grant you 3 wishes to repay you." says the Genie. The man quickly uses his 1st wish for wealth and the 2nd for the love of a beautiful woman. Unable to think of a 3rd wish and seeing the sunken look on the Genie's face, he wished for the Genie's freedom. The Genie uses his unrestrained powers to kill the man, resurrect Hitler and enslave the human race.

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You're a country without the "tree". Did you just call me a cunt?

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You know whats better than 24? 25

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What did the orange say to the apple? Nothing, fruits can't talk.

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you will die someday

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

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What did OJ Simpson say to the blonde? "Don't worry, I'm not going to murder you"

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Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Your doorbell is broken.

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a gay bar. They are closet homosexuals and are searching for partners to engage in consensual sexual intercourse with.

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Religion.

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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