A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She got kicked in the face by a mule.

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A muslim walks into a gun shop

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally

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What's the difference between an X-box and Michael Jackson? One is an inanimate object and the other is a human being.

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RACIST JOKE: how to start a footrace in ghana role a donut down a hill

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What do you get when you stab a four year old in the chest 57 times A dead body

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke-'er-face

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What did the doctor say to his patient with cancer? "You have cancer...".

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? It's socially acceptable to sit on a bench.

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Why did the man cut his hair? Cause he has cancer

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Knock knock. Who's there? Cher. Cher who? Just Cher.

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Roses? are red Violets are blue, Kangaroos like Oranges, Poems suck, Refrigerator.

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How many band geeks does it take to catch a football? One, especially if he/she is on the football team.

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Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because Santa doesn't exist.

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what did the cat say to the dog? I turded out my crap hole

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did u hear about evan porter going out with his computer of course not because u haven't read this joke yet

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I SHOT SOMEBODY!!!! Said no stormtrooper ever.

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Oceanic flight 815 crashes on an island and the survivors are stranded. They all die of starvation and dehydration within a week.

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What's clear and smells like alcohol? Probably alcohol, genius.

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Why'd Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Not Sally.

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women are like buddhist shrines, you don't piss on them

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Why are elephants gray? So you don't get them confused with blueberries.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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