A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

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What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck!

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You can go out to eat without posting it on Facebook.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? A) The color of their hair.

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Wanna hear a joke? Womens' rights

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple Finding 2 worms in your apple

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How do you steal from a sushi buffet? You say please.

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a man dyslexic into bar walks a

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Q: My hands are queefing vaginas A: Milk isn't wearing underwears

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When the mom got home from work, she was very tired. Her 6 year old son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She said sure and made one. Her son was very pleased and ate all of it. He knew he had a great mom. I actually lied above. The mom was killed by three men in hoodies in her back yard. They came inside and also murdered to boy. Worst of all the killers stole all of her food including the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat. I guess it doesn't matter now since he is unable to eat anymore...

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Knock-Knock Who's there? The UPS guy dumb ass

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Steve Jobs Died today. So did 56 million other people.

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Donald trump walks into the whitehouse. He's there for a business meeting with the new president.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My family is dead

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A bunch of nuns were riding a three-seat bicycle. The seats were comfy and no one complained.

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How do you stop the skunk from smelling, you rip it in half and bury the body therefore stopping the smells from escaping.

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A duck walks into a pharmacy and says to the man behind the counter, "Do you have any ointment? my beak is very chapped" the man replies "we have nothing for ducks here."

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Someone asked me yesterday why my friend Portier is named after a sports car... I mean, fair enough, it is a common misconception but they live in the country and her Dad drives a tractor; think it through. [L]

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Why was the 15 year old boy always alone in his bedroom making strange noises? Because he was struggling to fight back the tears following his single mother's recent suicide, driven by her despair over the reality that her son was an out of control drug addict, just like his no-good father who ran out on them.

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I enjoy the fact that the jokes I post that do not make me laugh, are the ones that get zero thumbs, while those that at least make me smile, get at least a couple, I admit thought that its hard to keep track with me, I type jokes so fast that they disappear in the back before people can thumb them... Have you heard... Of the dog that was barking up the wrong three? The three said: Damn dog! I am not a tree! The dog kept barking, as dogs do not speak. Moral: Numbers speak fluently in most languages though...

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What did one muffin say to the other? I don't know, but you need a psychiatrist.

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Three women, a blonde a brunette and a readhead, jump out of an airplane without wearing parachutes. And this is why women should stay in the kitchen.

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What's worse than finding your cat dead? Finding your cat dead because it choked on your goldfish.

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Why couldn't the pirate go to the movies? He had scheduling conflicts

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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