And so the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life," but John came fifth, and won a toaster instead.

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How many blondes does it take to walk into a bar? One I guess. I don't know if I understand the question.

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Why was the construction worker crying? Because do to the failing economy, he was recently let go from his job, and he is mortified by the idea of being unable to find work and ending up homeless and unable to fend for his family.

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-What did the snake say to the mouse? Nothing. Animals can't talk dumbass.

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What do you call someone who can't move their arms or their legs A quadriplegic

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As I sat waiting for the doctor to return with my final prognosis, I began contemplating my own mortality. Looking inside myself, one question continued to haunt me: “What’s the X-ray technician going to do when he walks in and sees me messing with the equipment?”

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Your mum's so fat, she attends regular weight loss facilities to lose weight.

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Why Was my mommy gone last night? -cause I ****ed her

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Why couldn't the Jew get pregnant? Because he was man.

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Doctor: I'm gunna try to fit your illness into an everyday, normal conversation. Is that okay? Patient: okay. Doctor: how are you? Patient: fine... Doctor: that's weird.. Because you have AIDS

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After the haitian revolution, Haiti lived happily ever after, Until god smited them with a devastating natural disaster

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken had just received a call from his family, hearing that his father had just been butchered. He was approaching the farm when an 18-wheeler approached. The tire flew off, hit a candy store, candy flew in the chicken's mouth, and it died of diabetes. However, right before the chicken died he finally crossed the road, not knowing he would get shot by his farmer. The chicken managed to survive the shooting to his right kidney, wiggled to his family, and died in front of his wife.

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Why did the man mow his lawn without his shirt on? Because it was very hot out.

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Why did Sarah fall of the swing? Because she was very careless and swung too high.

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What's the biggest Jenga game? 9/11

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A black man walks into a bar and a white man says "we don't allow coloured men in here". the black man sighs and walks out, wondering what he ever did wrong, and makes his way to the liqour store, to buy some beer to drown his sorrows over his mothers death. On the way, a racist white man shoots and kills him. Then, at his funeral, someone makes the joke "Wow, how ironic. The black guy was the victim.."

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Whats white and black and red all over? A panda that has just been shot by a poacher.

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PENIS

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he was on his wheelchair.

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how may horses can you fit in a blender i can't remember what is red and goes 100KPH a horse in a blender

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A generous manager, an honest lawyer, a responsible politician and a dodo bird fall off a cliff. Who survives?. None, they are all long since extinct.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police The Police who? The police Johnson Oh, come in Mr Johnson

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How do you send Harry Potter a post card? Get an owl to send it to his house.

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Why doesn't Harry have any arms? Because he's a Jew.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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