So a seal walks into a club..

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Why did the four friends drive past the bar? To see if it was too crowded to go into or not.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia ...where am I

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man. I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

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One day I was hungry. I ate. I wasn't hungry anymore. Penis.

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how do you get a cat out of a tree? with boomerangs

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A detective? I think more about that chip and dale thing, that was not funny, the classics are okay I suppose, but that newer thing detective-ish maybe. Uh... Do I get a clue? I have not like watched all of them.

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A man walks into a bar. The other patrons suddenly start to run away screaming, because he had just been hit by a bus.

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Brett Farve

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was forced to against his will by a group of marauding ninjas who happened to be strolling by at the time.

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Brian knew how to save the world from the death penalty: "Let's kill everybody who is not against it." So I killed Brian and waste my time in death row now.

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What's worse than getting raped by a duck? Getting raped by two ducks.

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Why did Johnny stop walking halfway to school? A fridge fell on him.

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Why was the women's underwear red?... Because she got stabbed.

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Have you seen Hellen Keller's children? No. They look just like her.

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why did chuck norris walk on water? because he's chuck norris

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What is similar about a goose and newly weds? They both aren't chairs

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Why did little Suzie spill her drink? Since birth, she has lacked a jaw.

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What's green and has four wheel? A tractor.

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Knock, Knock. Come In.

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How do you put a baby in a blender? Feet first, so you can see its expression. How do you get a baby out of a blender? With chips.

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What's funnier than a pile of dead babies? A pile of dead babies with a live one crawling out.

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Why was the strict Asian father angry when his son got an A- on his test? He found out that his son had been cheating.

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12 sea cows waddle into a bar... Yea, I bet, you'd like to hear the end of that one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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