What did the piano say to the ice cube? Dude, get back in the freezer or you are going to melt!

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Trees are like friends. They both fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass...I was just lying about the wheels.

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dylan wishes life was like cod. that way he would actually be able to do something cool

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Guess what I saw today?..........Nothing I'm Blind.

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Where did Betsy go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms. Why'd he fall off again? Because we put him back on.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Back when seven was in Vietnam, he sufferd Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and constantly has flash backs and irrational thoughts of six being with the veitnamese alliance and tries to viciously molest six whenever he runs out of anxiety medication.

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Why did the boy break his leg? Because he fell off a building

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What did the hooker say to her employer after 1 hour....you owe my $20

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One time I said to my friend, "There are too many black people in this country." I forgot he was black.

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What do you call 12 black doctors in a dark room? 12 black doctors in a dark room.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Regardless of the number of dead babies present, painting a house will require at least one living baby.

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What's funny about 4 black people going off a cliff in a Cadillac? Nothing. You're adopted

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What do you call a white man flying a plane? A pilot. What do you call an Arab man flying a plane? Also a pilot.

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Why was the young women crying Because her fiancé who was battling a severe Case of pneumonia just passed away

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Dwayne. Ok... come in.

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The first few weeks of joining weight-watchers...you're just finding your feet.

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Do you know why Justin Bieber is so successful? Because he is a talented dancer-singer who was lucky enough to be discovered by pop music icon Usher.

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What is brown and sticky? A stick

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What is white black and Chinese A panda

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What do you call a gay on steroids? Noah Zimmerman!

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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If an orange is orange then why isn't a banana called a yellow? Because the word 'banana' comes from the Arabic word for finger as it obviously resembles a finger. The person that named the orange was equally lazy, but just not Arabic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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