How do u get suzzy off a swing? You tell her to get off

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If my balls were on your chin, where would my dick be?

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Knock knock Who's there? No-one who??? *Silence*

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What did the commentor say when he saw the "waht's worse than finding a worm in your apple...the holocaust." joke? I am offended to your cruel referance to worms.

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Dick Cheney That's the joke

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A padawan walks into a bar. He is promptly ridiculed by his master for not minding his surroundings.

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Why did the Chinese man cross the road? To get to the Chinese restaurant.

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Runescape.

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Once upon a time, The end.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms or legs. A.Knock knock B. Who's there? A.Not Susie

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Knock Knock. Ow! Why you hit me!?

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Why did Jay-Z rob a bank? Wait, nevermind. Jay-Z didn't rob a bank.

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The Tiarajudens is a Permian land-walrus.

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How do you make a miner sad? You cut his d*ck off then feed it to his family.

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What's worse than speaking to a Russian bear? Gettting mauled and eaten by one.

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What's fat and ugly? Your face ... But only if its fat and ugly

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Why did the monkey fall of the tree? Because Newtons law states that we are all under the influence of gravity and hence an object, in this case the monkey, will fall down if it failed to stay on the tree.

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A Polish man came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I'm home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun, put it to his head, pulled the trigger, and died instantly. His children and lecherous wife are forever scarred.

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Knock-knock jokes with sjws: Knock knock! Who's there? A transgender! A transgender who? WOW. It's 2016, people. If you can't recognize a transgender, you're a disgusting piece of cis white male scum! OH! OHH! "I'm sorry lady"? Do I LOOK like a lady to you? I'm a- no- sir- stop interrupting me. SIR! I identify as a gender fluid demisexual! "What does that matter?" Oh my god. Well it wouldn't matter if I identified as a goddamn piece of salami to you would it??? Huh? I'm confusing you? WOW! What a priveleged- oh! So I'M being rude? OKAY! FINE! I'm recording this you know. You're going ALL over the Internet. Oh yes you are! No, hey, my privilege cam! You just took it this is rape! You are assaulting me! Don't just shove it back into my hands like that! I call patriarchy! Oh no, I'm not done with you! Don't you close that door you Goddamn piece of sh- *slam*

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What do you get if you cross a motorway with a lawnmower? Killed.

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Whats the difference between pizza and a Jewish person? Pizza doesnt scream when being put into an oven.

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Why can all black people dance? I have no idea, quite frankly I find that to be a insensitve racial stereotype.

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What's long, hard, and black, and goes into wet things? A submarine.

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Due to the height of the fall, one of his ribs pierced his heart and he also suffered extensive head trauma and internal bleeding due to the force when he hit the floor, where he lay in agony for several hours before dying a slow, painful death.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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