What did the blind kid say to his dad Nothing , his dads dead

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What did the clam say to the scuba diver? FUCK MAN! STOP TOUCHING MY JEWELS! WOULD YOU WANT ME TO JUST RIP YOURS AND TAKE THEM WITH ME!

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i man walks into a bar, he is found dead two days later with severe head trauma.

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Why couldn't the turtle swim? Because he went too close to an oil spill, the petroleum got into his mouth and coated his lungs and he is now dead.

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What did the German say to the Jew? I'm not quite sure; I don't speak German.

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Whats funnier then a dead baby? A lot of things.

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If Donald Trump was in Game Of Thrones, he'd probably be a part of The Wall.

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Why do they call Jean a redneck? Because her neck was red from being in the sun for so long.

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God has put a gate keeper at a gate in heaven to listen to how everyone has died. The first guy comes and says, "I thought my wife was cheating on me so when i came home I see this man hanging off my balcony, I thought he was the man cheating with my wife, so I then push him off, but he was still alive, so I threw a refrigerator onto him, that killed him, but I felt so guilty I soon commited suicide" The gates man said, "Wow thats terrible come in." Then the next guy come and he says how he died, "Well you see I was just oiling myself up for my workout, but I slipped, and fell off my 5th story balcony, and landed in some guys 3rd floor balcony I was hanging off the ledge, and a guy came I thought he was going to help me, but instead he pushed me of and threw a refrigerator on me." The guard let him in, and a third guy came. The Guard said,"Man its going to be hard to beat those guys their just sad. Ok how did you die?" The third man said, "Picture this I'm trapped in a refrigerator...

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My girlfriend says i cant finish a sentence properly dripping horse cum fetus rape.

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I just threw up..In my pants.

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer

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Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? He'd lost so much weight, due to AIDS.

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What do you call a gay kid, a horrible singer, and has long hair for a guy? Justin Bieber

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I completely thought you where bullshitting me, how come I never noticed before? How and why?

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What do you call somebody with no arms or legs and they are stranded in the middle of the ocean? Answer: screwed

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whats the difference between a can and a fish?they can both swim. exept for the can.

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What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? Whatever their name is.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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Wizard: If you could get any one thing in the world, what would it be son? Son: Another father that grants more wishes.

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Why did the Germans conquer Poland so quickly? Heavy military manufacturing and Blitzkrieg battlefield tactics.

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A blonde walked into a phone pole.

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What do you do when you have 2 eggs, but only want to use 1? I don't know. I guess you could just use 1 of them and save the other for another time?

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Q: What was the proctologist doing on the street? A: He was observing the assfault.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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