What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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Why was the Chinese Man mistaken for the other Chinese Man? They were twins.

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Guess how old my lil bro is...Well your wrong cause he's dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the farmer cross the road? To pick up the dead chicken

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Did you hear about the young couple that confused K-Y jelly with window caulking? All their windows fell out.

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Mommy, why did daddy leave? Because you touch yourself at night sweetie.

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Q: What's different about a boy and a girl? A: Nothing. There used to be a notable difference but nowadays you have to strain in order to tell them apart.

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A: Knock! Knock! B: Who's there? A: Kitchen B: Kitchen who? A: GET THERE!

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What did the raped girl say to the doctor? Nothing she was dead on arrival.

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Refridgerator.

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What is worse than peeling a orange that is chasing a dog with raining men? Meeting johnny appleseed

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? ... Well, do you know or not?

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So, today I was walking down the street... I met a black guy.

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What's the differences between oranges? Trees don't have doors.

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How do you fit 45 Jews into a car? 5 in the car 40 in the ashtray.

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Katy Perry

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boobs.

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did you hear the joke about the lobster and the clownfish? no.. oh.

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Your mom is so fat that her doctor told her to go on a diet.

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whats worse than getting a papercut on the tip of your finger? getting crushed by a refrigerator

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What is the difference of The United States and 10 pounds of shit? Well,considering there are 50 united states,we would take 10 away from 50 for a total of 40. A very simple subtraction problem indeed.

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No one walks into a bar. It is closed.

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As a teen girl was walking through the perfume shop, she picked up one called, "Swirly Paradise." She sprayed it on her and sniffed the sweet scent. Suddenly, the world spun around and she suddenly woke up inside an empty bra. A mouse sniffed her and ate her alive.

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Why did the plane crash? Chuck Norris was sitting in it, and thus his weight was countless times larger than the lift force of the plane.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops