What did the monkey say to the Pope and the Queen? Good evening, Your Holiness. Good evening, Your Majesty,

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? Peer pressure!

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Q. How did the blind man cross the road A. By an abmulance which took him to the hospital because his first attempt to cross was unsuccessful and the hospital was conventeintly located on the other side of the road.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. They are baked until ready and then enjoyed be the person who made them.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

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I bought a pound of gold for my new gold ring, later that day I lost it

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Why does Shelby Like Pandora? Because she prefers rap and hip hop music and Pandora helps select songs for her to listen to according to her interests.

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whats funner than nailing a baby to a wall, ripping it off

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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What is worse than being eaten alive by a shark? Being force fed live goat intestines while Kevin Spacey rapes your father.

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What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? Death

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Q: How do you drown a black guy? A: Hold his head underwater and sit on his back.

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Q-How do you kill an elephant? A- An elephant gun Q- How do you kill a blue elephant? A- A blue elephant gun Q- How do you kill a red elephant? A- Strangle it until it turns blue then use a blue elephant gune Q- How do you kill a purple elephant? A- Don't be ridiculous purple elephants don't exist

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Say this to someone: On a scale from one to ten, what is your favorite color?

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What do you call 100 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A weird kind of genocide.

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When life gives you lemons, Life isn't actually a person so saying that would be irrelevant

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A blind man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He has gotten used to being blind all his life.

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Nock nock Who's there K K who? You forgot the K

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Yo momma so old some said act ur age and she dies

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What is brown and sticky? Syrup.

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why should not women able to vote? because their stupid and should not vote at all

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Whats green and smells like bacon................. Green bacon

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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