What is the difference between a snail and whale? A loaf of bread

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Your mom's so fat that she went in to get liposuction and subsequently died from infection.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why could'nt the boy eat peanuts? Because if he did he would proceed to have an allergic reaction, his throat would swell up, he would go into analeptic shock and die.

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Single man, interested in women. Profession: Particle Physicist. Looking for: A strong interaction with a strange, charming woman. One who will ride both up and down the roller-coaster of a relationship, that is not fussy about being top or bottom and that is not impartial to the many flavours of life. I look forward to you spinning me around; Yours Sub-atomically, Professor Quark.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Say, "Wake up!"

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Your momma's so fat; She has a constant sense of insecurity due to the instability in her relationships caused by her involuntary obesity.

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Try this on someone... go up and say "Ive got a great knock knock joke for you but you have to start" there response "Ok, knock knock" you say "Who's there?" They are usually dumbfounded and a hilarious awkward silence ensues

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what worse then stepping on a lego? watching your son kill your wife

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There's a mexican and african american in a car. Who's driving? A cop.

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did Michael Jackson touch children ? yes of course. otherwise he would have been an absolutely terrible father

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Why couldn't Jimmy go bowling with the rest of his friends? His parents shot him.

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Why did the lebanese man kill his own family? He had cancer.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jimmy Tyler, your son Hi son *continues to open door

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She didnt have arms

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Q: What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? A: A dog

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what did the blind santa say to the jewish child jewish people don't believe in santa...awkward.

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Can Geico save save you 50% on your car insurance? Does a former drill sergent make a terrible therapist?

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Roses are grey, violets are grey, im a dog

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I can't wait to eat this bagel! Yes you can. Yeah, I guess you're right.

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Did you hear about the man with the bicycle? He was 2 tired.

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What did the black man get his mom for Mother's Day? Some jewelry and a very nice card.

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why are you adopted? cause no one loved you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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