what do you call someone who cant breathe? dead

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what do you do when you forget to do your math homework? kill your teacher

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock Knock Who's there? I said who's there? The man opens the door to find there was no one there and begins to shake in fear as his schizophrenia is getting worse.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was tied to the first one.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Why did the chicken cross the road? Exercise

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A White guy invites his Black friends into his house, he says "Make yourself at home." THEY DO

thumb_up thumb_down +4

From a picture, it is difficult to tell the difference between an apatosaurus and a diplodocus.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock Knock Who's there? Your mom. Just kidding, it's the pizza guy. Pizza guy who?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Knock knock. Who's there? Alzheimer. Alzheimer who? Knock knock.

thumb_up thumb_down

Moral

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's green and has wheels? The Holocaust. I lied about everything.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what do you call a cow? A cow

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q. What did the boy do for his birthday? A. Nothing. His birthday occurred on 9-11.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's worse than strapping 10 dead baibes to a tree? Strapping a dead baby to 10 trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call an asian with a small penis? Whatever his name happens to be.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrarri? A dead baby is a non-living human, while a Ferrarri is a brand of car.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

a man walks into a bar... and he says 'ouch!'

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

shall i compare thee to a summers day, no, because thee are ugly, yay

thumb_up thumb_down -115

How do you kill a black man? You cn coz he'll beat you up first

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke? A: Quack

thumb_up thumb_down +40

#Divorced, beheaded and died! #Divorced, beheaded, survived! # He's Henry VIII, he had six sorry wives #Some might say he ruined their lives!!!!!!! #Catherine of Aragon was one. # She failed to give him a son #He had to ask her for a divorce. #That broke her poor heart of course. #Young Anne Boleyn, she was two #Had a daughter, the best she could do #He said she flirted with some other man #And off with the chop, went dear Anne! #Lovely Jane Seymour was three! #The love of his lifetime indeed! #She gave him a son #Little Price Ed #Then poor old Jane...went and dropped dead! #Divorced, beheaded and died! #Divorced, beheaded, survived! #He's Henry VIII, he had six sorry wives #Some might say he ruined their lives!!!!!!! #Anne of Cleeves came at four #He fell for the portrait he saw! #But laid eyes on her face, and cried #SHE'S A HORSE! I MUST HAVE ANOTHER DIVORCE! #Catherine Howard was five #A child of nineteen, so alive #She flirted with others, no way to behave #The AXE sent young Cath to her grave! #Catherine Parr, she was last #By then all his best days were past #He lay on his death bed, aged just fifty-five! #Lucky Catherine- the last stayed alive! #I mean, how unfair! #Divorced, beheaded and died! #Divorced, beheaded, survived! # He's Henry VIII, he had six sorry wives #You could say he ruined their lives!!!!!!! And the moral of the story is: Never buy a car without knowing it's background.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

i like turtles

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops