what electronic vegetable sits in a chair? stephen hawking

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How do you stop your baby from crawling into your room? Shove a spear through its head.

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How did the man with no arm and no legs get to the store? Well he certainly didn't walk.

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when push comes to shove, shove repeatedly explains to push that she needs to stop stealing his money and find a new place to live. Push then leaves, allowing shove to return back to his sofa and finish watching the basketball game.

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Why couldn't the boy see the pirate movie? He was blind.

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper... used to clean up a crime scene.

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How do you get a blonde's attention? Throw deodorant at her until she looks.

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What did the boy with no legs get for Christmas? Dance Dance Revolution

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A man decided it was time to quit his job so he put his 2 weeks in and went to look for another job.

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What do a raven and a writing desk have in common? I have no idea.

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25

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a potato a chicken and a rooster ate a cat and you just wasted your time

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German sausage is the wurst

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Life is like the Titanic. You cruise along on course and everything is great -- until you hit an iceberg and 1,517 people die.

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Guess what Timmy got for Christmas, Nothing, Timmy has no parents, he's an orphan.

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What was the worst part when 3 Mexican men fell off a cliff? They each were active in the community and had jobs.

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you: Why did the chicken cross the road? them: "To get to the other side...?" you: Oh! *stare*

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Why was Tommy late for school? He got raped by spiderman.

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Out of all the sadness and death in the world...do you know what the worst part is? Mexicans are still hoping the border...

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Two cows are in a field one cow says moo the other cow say shit thats what i was gonna say

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What did the black man say to the man from Kyrgyzstan? I've never heard of your country before.

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Whats a black persons favorite flavored cake? fried chicken.

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I don't always finish my sentences but when I do...

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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