Why does Rebecca Black like Friday? Because it's the start of the weekend

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the blonde say when she found a dead bird on the sidewalk? "Aww, look at the poor dead bird!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the black man say when he noticed his crack was missing? I guess they fixed the sidewalk while I was at work.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Knock knock! Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why did little johnny start choking? because somebody shoved a bag down his throat

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What is the difference in a dead dog in the road, and a dead black guy in the road? One was a dog and one was a human being..

thumb_up thumb_down +19

e4ryka mcgyuire rode stephanie sinnott

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, She gave me AIDS, and I gave 'em to you! <3 <3

thumb_up thumb_down +32

the power to turn magnetism into light

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a schizophrenic And so am I

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Knock Knock? Who's there? Look in the peephole

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you piss off a lion? You repeatedly poke it with a stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

son, you're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Why couldn't the man get up to obtain a beverage? His legs were broken.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What has two legs and two arms? A Human

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you kill a blond? You don't. If you do, you'll get reported to the cops and sent to jail.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you do when the Cubs win the world series? Turn the xbox off and go to bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you stop the baby from touching the stove? Cut of its arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

what did "A" and "B" look for when they went to the beach? what are you talking about? letters cannot travel!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why didnt the car turn on? Cause the keys werent in the ignition

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did 16-year-old girl scream in the basement? She was being raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's red, black, and green all over? A dead black bear. Just no green.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops