What do a Jew and a Vegan have in common? They both won't eat pork products.

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How do you kill something thats already dead? You don't. It's dead.

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What's the difference between a Jew and an apple? One of them is a fruit, and the other is not.

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ROTFL = Reaching out to fellow lossers

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why did the cow die because she ate poisoned apple pie

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What's better then 100 dead babies in a barrel 1 dead baby in 100 barrels

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how many weasels does it take to change a lightbulb 0 weasels are animals and therefore are not capable of changing lightbulbs

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Knock Knock whose there your parents your parents who your parents just got malled by a hobo with an axe.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mountainous mound of slain human offspring? There is none, the second is conferred to the subject of a conversation using a highly advanced vernacular.

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Lightening never strikes the same place twice. But it killed both my parents.

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A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tooter!

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Why did the frog commute suicide ? Because His mother was a type writer

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What did the man do after he took a bite of his pie? Chew. After that? Swallow. Then? Repeat.

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What is similar between a horse and a zebra? - If you chopped of there heads, they would die.

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A skeleton walks into a bar. It's inside a person. He orders a beer and enjoys it contentedly.

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What's the difference between a pheromone and a hormone? Hormones are secreted internally and trigger various biochemical pathways that cause certain effects. We all are familiar with the effects of testosterone and estrogen, both on the anatomy, and behaviour of humans. Pheromones are secreted externally, and have an effect on another creature in similar ways. Usually they have to do with attracting sexual partners or changing a sex partners behaviour or body in some way.

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What do you call a black man with no job? Unemployed

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I scream You scream We all scream For dead babies

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What's the best part of a family reunion? The sodomy.

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Whats worse than bieber fever? A yeast infection.

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Your momma is so black, that her melanin levels are relatively high.

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I used to be an Adventurer like you... But then I decided that it was a dangerous form of employment and stopped.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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