why did the turtle beat the rabbit ? because the rabbit eventually got shot

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A very unattractive girl bent over in front of me. I proceeded to be sick, and then I choked on my sick. I died. My family mourn my death every day.

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Freddie Mercury died of AIDS. Many consider him a musical hero.

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What happened to the Californian who drove off into the sunset. He died. You can't drive in the ocean.

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What did the Dildo say to the banana? Nothing, unless you're high on acid.

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A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

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Yo momma is so ugly, she might not win the "America's next top model" contest.

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What's black and white and red all over? Lots of things, including certain ugly clothing.

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Why was the user KyuremCult's name blacklisted on iFunny? She had been repeatedly banraided by people with no success, but because of the mass reports and the leading to some of her works being deleted, the system decided to blacklist her name from search.

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Hair

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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Tim likes girls

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when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a black eye.

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Sometimes sentences just don't end the way that you think they potato

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A bear walks into a bakerey. He aks for a loaf of bread. The bakers asks: "White or brown?" The bear answers: "It doesn't matter, I'm on the motorcycle".

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Q: What's not funny and has two wheels? A: The Holocuast, I lied about the wheels.

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A horse enters a bar. The bartender looks at the horse and says "Why the harness?"

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knock knock who's there Bob oh hi, come in

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Why did the plane crash? Because, it's pilot was a bagel.

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What do you call a whore? Kelsey cook duh

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what is the ??? crust^2 + Cool Whip

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Roses are red. Violets are red. I have a gun. What did i do?

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Men's rights

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He--Hey guys

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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