roses are red violets are blue bullets are lead now i shoot you

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What do you say to a dead man who knocks on your door? Nothing, you shoot him cause he's a zombie

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? Doormat.

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Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

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What's big and looks like a mushroom? A Mushroom.

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A dyslexic man walks into a building labeled, Bra. He then thinks he has found heaven but is suprised when all that is served is beer, not milk.

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What do apples and black men both have in common? They are both people except for the apple

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I guys look at this new game I bought, what is it, it's called penis it's supposed to be toatally hard

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How do you catch a unique rabbit? You could probably find many of them in the vicinity of Chernobyl. The radiation has probably created thousands of mutations. They are probably not as fast as regular rabbits.

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Why are all of the cars in the left lane? Because you are in Winona MN.

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Your momma's so fat, she died on the operating table during her bypass surgery.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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And love is, bein' the owner of a company that makes rape whistles and even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape, now you don't wanna reduce it at all cuz if the rape rate declines you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales. Without rapists, who's gonna buy your whistles? Who's gonna buy your whistles? Love is all about whistles.

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Roses are red, Violets are violet, If you think Violets are blue you're an idiot because they're called violets for a reason.

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a straight line? Because he has Parkinson's disease.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen.

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why did'n the baby wake up from his nap? because he was dead

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What is worse than a worm in your apple? An apple in your worm!!!

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender asks him "why the long face?" the man replies with "I have AIDS."

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he died.

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Why did the child cross the road? Nobody knows, he forgot to look both ways got hit by a truck and suffered severe head trauma leading memorie loss.

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Person #1: Hello captain obvious. Person #2: Hello.

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what did the window say to the other window nothing they are both inanimate objects

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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