While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Hodor

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What is a turkey? The offspring of a turtle and a monkey.

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Girl: What's up? Guy: If I told you, would you sit on it?

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What's the difference between Justin Beeber and a Basett hound? I don't know.

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Ol-ive

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How do you describe a cranky rapist? Cranky and rapist

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Why did the man jump off the bridge. Because he found his beloved wife cheating on him with his life-long friend that he meet when they both where in pre-school.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Recycling anti-jokes

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A father had three children Rose Daisy and Cinderblock. Rose comes up to her father and asks"daddy why am i named Rose?' the father answered"well when you were a baby a rose petal fell on your head"Rose Reply's "oh thats nice" and walk's away. the Daisy comes up and ask's "Daddy! why am i named Daisy!" the Dad answered "well. when you were a baby a rose petal fell on your head" Daisy Replied" oh ok i guess" and walked away. Then Cinderblock came up and asked "duuuhhhd" and the father simply replied" Shut up Cinderblock".

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What's green and has wheels? The Holocaust. I lied about everything.

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why cant stephen hawking dance He does not enjoy dancing

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If I have 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the other, what do I have? Big hands!

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Do you know the muffin man? No

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A horse walks into a glue factory..

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How many seals does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Depends on how high the ceiling is.

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Did you hear what happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in spring training.

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why did the indian kill the buffalo? he was suffering from a psychological disorder and took to killing innocent animals in order to relieve the pent up rage caused by repressed memories of childhood abuse.

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What's funnier than the holocaust? Pretty much everything, the killing of 6 million people was a horrible part of our world's history, and is no laughing matter.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I don't like to rhyme Microwave.

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Why was the girl talking to the trashcan? Her entire family was killed in a forest fire. She was the only who made it out but she had several scars and burns. For six years she had no family to talk to. She then gathered an obnoxious amount of cheaply made plastic trashcans and painted her entire family on the trashcan and proceeded to talk to it. For several years now she has been in deep conversation with the trashcan. She then attempted to ask the trashcan a series and intense question in which the trashcan did not respond to. The girl grew very frustrated with the trashcan because it did not answer her question so she angrily threw it off the side of a cliff in the middle of the woods. To answer the question above, as the trashcan was violently falling off the cliff, the girl yelled, "See you next FALL"

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Politics.

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whats brown and has a head? A: my penis

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Why did the 6 year old girl go to therapy? Because her step dad raped her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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