How do you wake up a black man? You stab him in the thigh.

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What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

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Mr. Wonder, optimism is seeing the glass as half full, pessimism as seeing the glass half empty, and realism as not seeing the glass at all.

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roses are red violets are twisted turn around bitch your about to get fisted

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Knock knock. "Whose there?" "Dave" Oh alright Dave, two seconds I have got to unlock the door~looks for and finds keys and unlocks door~ Hello Dave, sorry mate not been out yet so not been out, come in.........

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What did Susie do when the music was too loud Nothing

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is an active member of a taliban.

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why do elephants have such flat feet.....? from all those damn trees they have been juming out of....

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I see London, I see France... I see a Map.

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A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? He was perfectly happy where he was.

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What do you call it when you eat cheese that's not yours? Stealing.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police. Come out with your hands up!

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--IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!! --no it isn't. a clock only has numbers 1-12 for hours and 1-60 for minutes. "peanut butter jelly" is not in any of those number sets. what are you taking about?

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What's round and orangey? An orange.

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What is shit? It's Deshitified already.

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What was the best part of the holocaust? A: none of it, it was a terrible event in history and hopefully is never repeated

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why did the black man leave his home because there was a hurricane that would have killed him if he stayed.

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Why did the boy fall asleep in class? He was tired.

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Why was the baby crying? Because it was on fire.

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Where do cows go on the weekends? The slaughterhouse.

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If pro is the oppisite of con what is the oppiste of progress Congress

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People are a lot like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

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Once a man asked a lady working at the supermarket, Can I see your avocados? She kindly walked him over to the rack where they were being held.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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