Wanna hear a funny joke? Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Friend: What do you call a farting dog? Me: A canine releasing built up pressure as a result of excess carbon-based gases produced by the synthesizing and decompositional digestive reactions in the stomach and intestines. Friend: ... Who is a nerd, pointless, has no social life, and cant take a joke? Me: No one. No one but you is that exceptionally lacking in character.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Ask me what my favorite color is. What's you favorite color? Blue.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Neither. Leaving aside the fact that two people would jump off a cliff in any kind of competitive context is highly improbable, due to the laws of physics objects fall at the same speed and therefore both people would hit the ground at the same time, meaning that, unless either of them deployed a parachute mid way through, they would, in fact, be in a dead heat.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A germaphobe is in a room full of sick people. He leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

There was a curtain who sneezed and then asked you for a tissue. He was in a room with two chairs a coffee table and a 37 year old bookcase, why did he sneeze???? Because he had a cold!!????

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A man asks his doctor if you can die from drinking to much water. The doctor replies 'Yes you can'

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Want to hear a joke about Potassium? So do I.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

That`s my friends phone, I can call you from mine too if you want, please just don't hurt me, let me speak to you, I promise I will explain everything.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

knock knock, whos there? the repo man.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? One. Though if the ladder is rickety and she needs someone to steady it for her, two.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was the Jewish man sad? His wife was brutally murdered, His chilren raped, Parents stabbed horrifically and stuffed with turtles and the doctor just informed him that he had cancer and was due to die 17 minutes ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did Sally get for chirstmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Two little boys are talking to each other: - My dad's dick is soo biig! - Eh, my dad's dick is small but it still hurts...

thumb_up thumb_down -2

While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's worse than dying in a car wreck with your family? You being the only one that dies.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What does "Fiat" stand for? "Fabbrica Italiana Automobili Torino."

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call 10 dead babies in a blender? A horrible, horrible child abuse incident.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How do you torture Helen Keller? You put her on a table and slowly pull her limbs off

thumb_up thumb_down -21

The WNBA

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Sometimes I light my hair on fire and pretend I'm a candle.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Pickle!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops