What did the homeless child get for Christmas? Leukemia

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What do you call a man with leaves on his head? Steve, he's on camouflage training in the Army.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why did the prestigious college accept the Native American student? Trick question, Native Americans don't exist anymore.

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UP

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How do you make a mime talk? Put a gun to his head.

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What do you call a black person with food stamps? A freeloader.

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Today, both my parents were killed in a car accient. FML.

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Why didn't the boy eat his vegetables? he was dead

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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A Black guy and a Mexican are in a car. Who is driving? The black guy. Its his car.

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What did the orange say to the lemon? "Hello"

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What's the difference between Jews and pizza? God likes pizza

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I LOVE MASTURBAITING ALL DAY!!!!

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What's the difference between a black man and a park bench? The bench can support a family of 4?

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What's sad about three black men in a Cadillac driving off a cliff? They were my friends.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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roses are red violets are blue i have aids and now so do you.

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Please give money to a local Jew we have had such a bad time please ONLY people who are Jews.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was dead Q: Why did the lizard fall out of the tree? A: It was stapled to the moneky

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In Soviet Russia..... the exact same thing happens, stupid.

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there once was a black man who played basketball

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What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? There's no such thing. 500,000 people can't fit onto one plane.

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teacher: what is your name? student: some people call me attractive (mx)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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