A frog walked into a bar. Except by frog I meant Frenchman, and by bar I meant English pub. The Englishmen in the bar kill the Frenchman in a display of territoriality.

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Knock knock Whos there? FUS ROH DAH

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Yo momma so fat, when she steps on the scales it reads 90kg

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A man is eating in a restaurant and says, "Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" The waiter says, "I'm sorry, can I bring you some salad instead?"

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A man and a woman are having sex. The man finishes and says, "Oh, God, I hope you're on the pill." The girl says she isn't and begins to cry. Lacking a job or a stable life, the man leaves the woman. The woman has an abortion and suffers irreversible damage to her ovaries.

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How do you stop a baby flying 100mph? a shovel

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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What did the legless veteran get for christmas, The same grenade that blew up his legs.

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Beluga Whale walk into a bar. The Priest says: "Well because today is a holy holiday, I'll take a glass of white wine to celebrate." The Rabbi says: "Well, because today I have to kindle thy sacred light, I'll have a glass of merlot." The Beluga Whale then says: "Ooooooooorrrrooooooommmmmmmm....."

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i heard something so funny it made me crap my pants you were a mistake

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How do you find out the population of Mexico? The census.

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What do you call a quadriplegic person in the water? One should refer to them by their name, but seeing as a quadriplegic person would be incapable of swimming if you do see a quadriplegic person in a body of water you should seek help or call emergency services.

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What's hanging by a rope from the tree in my backyard? A tire swing.

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Only in your math books can Carlos buy 14 cantaloupes without hus sanity being questioned.

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So theres a priest, a rabbi, and an athiest on a cliff. They all remark at the beautiful view and take plenty of pictures with their respected families.

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Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from. So, you should probably leave.

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Hey, name is Anita, I am Nero`s nurse, he told me to say that if you wish to speak any further, you are going to have to call him and prove you are not some guy. Say Tifa, do you ever play videogames?

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Why was the blonde crying? She had just been raped by a 10-foot praying mantis.

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What is small, yellowy-white and emits a kind of cheesy smell? A lump of cheese

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What happened to the house that was made without concrete? It fell over.

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why am i a dick head. because my gcse's spelt fudge and i dont like fudge so i project my anger into boss things

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Why did the boy fall in the hole? He had no eyes

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How many pancakes do you need to reach a 2.5m roof? Purple, because aliens don't fly

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Q: When you have alot of hair, what are you? A: Obease

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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