When life hands you lemons... do not squeeze them, for juice may squirt into your eye, causing severe pain.

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Tunechi

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What comes after 69? mouthwash

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Eats shoots and leaves Pandas. If you can't figure this out then you're probably 12

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A man walks into a bar with a monkey..I forget the rest but your mother is a whore.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

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Why is the turkey always full? Because he is stuffed.

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What's funny about a blond, a brunette, and a red-head, drunk in a Cadillac? Everyone knows integration is a myth.

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Man: Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains........ Doctor: You clearly have Alarming mental issues perhaps a psychologist would be the right person to discuss this matter further

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A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His family receives the news and become the talk of the town. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

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Goats are like mushrooms. If you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters

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Even dyslexic people attend church and pray to Dog.

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What's a zombie's favourite dessert? I don't know, but I'll give you 50 bucks to go and ask one.

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A seal walks into a club.

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What do you call a dinosaur when it gets out of a pool? Wet.

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What would Micheal Jackson do if he were alive today? THRILLER! THRILLER! THRILLERS NIGHT!

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whats two naked people in a bed? too much information

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Someone clearly messed up on naming the flower. Violet is synonymous with purple, Which is obviously NOT blue; It's the mixture between blue and red.

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Why did a monkey fall out of a tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of a tree? Gravity. Why did the third monkey fall out of a tree? He was stapled to the second monkey.

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What is worse than a case of the flu? Finding a dead camel on the highway with a half eaten lollipop in its mouth.

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—Conversation started today— My God, why have you forsaken me? Seen 6:00 PM

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A woman is on an escalator, which stops, then she cries. Why? The escalator is in a hospital and stops because the power has failed. She was going to visit her husband who is on life support, which has now but out.

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Q: What did the rectum say to the Anus? A: "Your a waste."

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Two men walked into a bar. Only one came out. What happened? One Passed out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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