Knock, Knock. Who's there? Bill Walters from across the street. How are we talking through a door?

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How do you leave a guy in suspense ...

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John: Spell IT Mike: Q-U-A-D-R-A-M-E-C-H-A-N-I-C-S

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Ever heard of a funny black guy? Me either

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Roses are Red, Violets are not blue they are violet, nothing rhymes with this, I give up

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Two fish are in a tank. One asks the other, "How do you drive this thing?"

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in superbad, why couldnt seth take off mclovin's face and wear it as his own? no one can. theyre fictional characters in a movie

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whats worse than stubbing your toe? getting a vanarial disease and going insane

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Q:Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? A:He slipped and fell. Q2:Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A2:He was stapled to the first monkey. Q3:Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A3:Peer pressure.

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What do you call an armless, legless man hanging on a wall? Art.

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knock knock! who's there? a fat salesperson here to deliver your supplements

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A woman gets home from bying tampons to use later in the month. She walks into the house and sees a heart box with a note from her husband of 5 years. The note reads: Roses are red - violets are blue - Fudge Is Sweet - Heres some Fudge...........She then puts the note down, eats the fudge, and has diarrhea a few hours later. The husband comes home and feels bad because he forgot that fudge upsets his wife's stomach. Later that night the wife asks her husband to have anal sex with her. The husband agrees but later regrets his action since his dick is now discolored and smells of shit..........Two days later the family dog dies. The wife and husband mourn. I like cheese

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What do you do with dead chemists? You carefully place their remnants in a casket, which is to be placed in a precisely dug hole. Once the casket is placed, you put a gravestone into the ground, signifying the chemists' date of birth and death.

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A black man owns his own night club. He tells the white man to look out for his night club. The white man bangs his head. The black man says, I told you to look out, you have now bumped into my big club that I take out at night time.

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Two baby seals walk into a club.

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Question:Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Answer:Because she had no arms or legs. Question:What did little Susie get for Christmas? Answer: a bike, and cancer Question: what did little Susie get next Christmas? Answer: nothing, she didn't live that long... Knock knock Who's there Not little Susie

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19th amendment

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A boy owned a dog that was uncommonly shaggy. Many people remarked upon its considerable shagginess. When the boy learned that there are contests for shaggy dogs, he entered his dog. The dog won first prize for shagginess in both the local and the regional competitions. The boy entered the dog in ever-larger contests, until finally he entered it in the world championship for shaggy dogs. But the day before the championship the dog died.

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Why do mermaids where seashells on their breasts? They don't wear anything because mermaids don't exist.

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Roses are red violets are blue im a schizophrenic and i am too.

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What starts with f and ends in u-c-k? a:****

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How do you know that god was a male? You don't, that's why it's called faith.

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What's the difference between celery and a truck?

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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Depends. Some are vegetarians or vegans, while most eat a mixture of vegetables and meat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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