Hey Jake can I use your lawnmower? Why Michael, so you can run over my cat like you did last night

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How can a chicken be dirty? It can be covered in dirt!

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What does Santa get for Christmas? Chikungunya Fever.

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What did the fat kid get for Christmas? Diabetes......

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A black guy walks into a bar. He falls unconscious and an ambulance is quickly called to bring him to the hospital.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Why did the kid fall off his bike? His mum threw a fridge at him.

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your momma is so old, she has heart problems

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What boy with no arms get on his birthday? Lego.

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Your so stupid that when during your baseball game your third base coach told you to run home, you did. The next day, you failed your test.

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The time and place do not matter because I'm a lesbian.

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knock knock... whos there? NOT BIN LADEN!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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What's worse then the holocaust? The sun exploding.

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I just flew in from New York and boy are my arms tired. I was jerking off during the entire plane ride.

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what is a chicken answer: chicken

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Why did the blond fail her math test? Because she got all the questions wrong.

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Where did Susie go when her town was bombed? Everywhere.

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Q. Why is me question not funny? A. Because there is no point to it.

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(read this aloud): A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. Him and the giraffe order multiple shots and get hammered. The giraffe on the other hand can't hold his liquor so well, and ends up passing out on the floor of the bar. The man decides to leave him there and take off. On his way out, the bartender yells, "Hey, you can't just leave that lyin' there!" and the man says, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

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Why did Sally fall off the swings? Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not sally

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Why was the baby crying? He had just witnessed his parent gets brutally murdered.

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A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says what do you want? the duck says nothing cause ducks can't talk

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Roses are red, Your blood is too, Don't believe me? I WILL CUT YOU

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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