What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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Tomorrow, today's yesterday.

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Is your refrigerator running? No. Oh perfect, I'm a refrigerator repairman, I'll be right over.

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your mom died.

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When life gives you lemons, you're probably at Mr. Life's fruit stand over on Imperial Avenue.

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Q: why does the cat go out of the house by the window A: It doesn't the window is closed

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Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I can't really remember the reason, it was about 5 years ago and a lot of things have happened since.

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What did the drunk man say to the average civilian? Blahaahahahahahuhuh!

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What do you call a group of homosexuals placing an order at McDonalds? Gay

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What got stolen from the poor boys house... Nothing, he was so poor that he couldn't even afford any thing

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What has 4 legs and doesn't move? A child born in Chernobyl.

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There was this women at a banana festival, but she didn't like bananas. So she split

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Whats worse than finding a worm in an apple? having a worm sized penis.

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2 drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Bu dum, cshhhh.

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I was there when Lebron James hit a home run to win the Super Bowl.

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1 + 1 = 11 Just kidding, it's 2 you moron.

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name one pop artist who's better than Michael Jackson that's really hard. there's so many

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Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

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What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Well I would open the freezer.

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brian mcgee is gay!

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What did the elephant say to the other elephant? Nothing. -Albert Einstein... LOL JOKES my name is PJ.

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knock knock who's there? nobody. then why are you knocking?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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