Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Neither. Leaving aside the fact that two people would jump off a cliff in any kind of competitive context is highly improbable, due to the laws of physics objects fall at the same speed and therefore both people would hit the ground at the same time, meaning that, unless either of them deployed a parachute mid way through, they would, in fact, be in a dead heat.

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The Pope walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll ya have, Pope?" But the Pope's grasp of English is tenuous at best, so he mumbles something in Latin. The bartender doesn't know any Latin. The Pope gets frustrated and leaves.

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Why couldn't Timmy ride his tricycle? He was run over by a bus.

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What did Ann Frank say when she dropped her icecream Nothing because she was captured by Natzis

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Q. How do you make a fruit punch? A. In a punch bowl, mix together fruit punch, pineapple juice and ginger ale. Add scoops of sherbet into the punch. Wait for the sherbet to begin melting, approximately 10 minutes, stir gently, and serve.

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Q: What's funny about prostitution? A: Nothing. It's a widely misunderstood profession.

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*Click* "Hello you have reached a pre-recorded voice at the suicide hotline. We regret to inform you that our consultant has suffered a recent bout of depression due to the sheer volume of calls he has received." "His body was found this morning, hanging from a tree." [L]

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Why did the first monkey fall off the tree? becuase he died Why did the second monkey fall off the tree? because he was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall off the tree? monkey see, monkey do

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Why did Jimmy eat the apple? Because he was obese and needed to eat healthy because his doctor suggested it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it got hit by a truck

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot turned into a loaf of bread.

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What is big, red, and eats rocks? Big Red that eats rocks. -For Abel

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whats the difference between an iron and a priest? An iron is a hand-held device which presses clothes and a priest is a person who is authorized to perform the sacred rituals of a religion.

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How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? 124

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Why did the blonde throw her alarm clock out the window? Because it was broken.

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you know your just like my pinkie toe........eventually i am going to bang you on a table

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had celebral palsy.

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What's worse than a trash can of dead babies? The one at the bottom that has to eat it's way out.

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You played so good! No, I played well. Okay??

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, he was a very nice person and had many friends.

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Why did 16-year-old girl scream in the basement? She was being raped.

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Why didn't the teacher ask where Billy's assignment was? Because Billy died last week. -B

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Knock Knock, Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The police then give the S.W.A.T the signal, bust down the door, and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door was Carlos Pedrouez, a serial killer, meth addict who has been apart of the Arizona sex slave trade for over a decade. The world can now sleep softly. The door was also red.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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