Why did the genie not grant the man his 3 wishes? Genies don't exist, only vampires live in lamps.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I'm on a see food diet- it consists of fish and molluscs. sea*

thumb_up thumb_down -24

KNOCK KNOCK WHOSE THERE? AVOCADO AVOCADO WHO AVOCADO COLD THAT'S A RETARD JOKE HAHAHAHAHA GOOD 1

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the best use for a van full of candy? Donating it to an orphanage.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did superman say when he flew into a building? Flying is inhumanly possible unless in an aircraft vehicle.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

There was an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. Now there's millions of them. And women too.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was suicidal.

thumb_up thumb_down

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse, incapable of understanding the human language promptly shits on the floor then leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A horse walks into a bar and the bartenders says, "why the long face?" The horse doesn't respond because horses do not comprehend English. He then becomes startled by his surroundings and bolts out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A drunkard stumbles into the bar. Now he's got thousand's of dollars in medical bills.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

19 cats 33 hamsters 24 turtles and 23 dogs are all in a small cage, PETA is not happy.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What has legs but may never walk? A Vietam Vet

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How is a raven like a writing desk? Both have absolutely nothing to do with the other one.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you kill a blonde? Stab her repeatedly in the chest with a ball point pen

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Your mom is so skinny that she may have anorexia, yet she could treat it so she doesn't die.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's the difference between a black man and a park bench? A park bench can support a family.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A mentally disabled person asked a tree, "Are you a tree?" the tree didn't say anything because it can not speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A tree falls over on an old woman. Mysteriously, the woman lifts the tree up and walks away. A man is amazed by this, so he goes and asks the woman how she managed to lift the whole tree. She tells the man that he is an idiot an walks away. Later inspecting the tree, he realizes it is a small sapling weighing no less than 10 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down -33

how do u wake up lady gaga? poke her face

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the horse say to the other horse? neh

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house! Nock. Nock. Whos there? The Chicken?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's the difference between a black man and a couch? One is a human being and one is a piece of furniture.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? You don't call him anything... You call for help.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the Asian woman get into a car accident? She didn't pay attention in driver school and sped through a red light and hit a bus that killed 14 children.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops