What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

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One dark, stormy night, there was a man, limping slowly down the road. He looked across the road and noticed a little girl on a park bench. He carefully moved around behind , creeped up, and slowly tapped her on the shoulder. I tap 2 tap 3 tap The little girl slowly turned her head, and as she did, the man uttered 3 sentences.... "Would you mind helping me get back to my apartment, my hand was cut off in the war, while I was serving my country, which is why I have a hook as opposed to a hand. I was heading back to my apartment to greet my wife and 2 little children, since I just got back from a long day's work at the soup kitchen, helping those in need, and I sprained my ankle. By the way, my name I John Thompson."

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Your mom is so fat, that she has unsightly stretch marks.

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how do you make my dad say oww? throw a baseball bat at him.

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One day a horse goes to a bakery store and asks the shopkeeper for a fresh loaf of bread. Surprised at the request the shopkeeper asked - White bread or whole wheat? To which the horse replied - Makes no difference cause i rode my bicycle to work yesterday.

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Patient: "Doctor I think I might be a homosexual." Doctor: "How can you tell?" Patient: "RAAIIINNBOOOOWW!!!"

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Why did the man ask his wife to make him a sandwich? He lost both of his arms in the war.

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Chuck Norris gets punched in the face.

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boy and girl are flipping a coin, coin lands on heads, boy: get down bitch

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Why did sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Not. Sally..

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Does anyone know any good ways to piss off an Grammar Nazi?

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven is black.

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i remember when i was a child i wanted a skateboard but my parents would never buy me one so late one night i crept downstairs and got a hammer and some wood and i beat them to death my foster parents baught me 5 skateboards

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why is your hair black? it was heretitery.

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Why did the blonde switch the lamp on? Because it was getting dark

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What's long and really hard? The fourth grade.

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how do you make a boy cry you cut out his eyes

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wanna hear a joke? not really

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An Asian man, a black man, and a gay man walk into a bar. They all buy the same drink, are charged the same price and say " We are all equal! " They then continue on with their days normaly.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Losing a family member in 9/11.

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So a guy goes to his doctor because he thinks he has an STD. He asks the doctor "how bad is it doc?" to which the doctor replies "Well, I got the test results and it doesn't look good. You've got chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia. The guy asks "What's onomatopoeia?" The doctor replies "It's exactly what it sounds like"

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was involved in a homicide at the Children's Hospital resulting in death row right away and the killing of 12 other numbers

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Q: What happened when Johnny cheated on his test? A: He got a higher score

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whats red and green and has 8 wheels. a stick

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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