Don't wake me up. If you wake me up then I will give you a puppy. Just wait until you fall in love with the puppy, because then i will kill it in front of you.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive Umm, She's dead

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Q: What's white, sticky, and is swallowed by most women? A: Ice Cream

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Ask me if I am a cat. Are you a cat? No, what kind of stupid question is that?

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Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure. Why did Bobby fall off his bike? He was hit by 4 squirrels Why did bobby die? He was hit by a bus

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Why did the magician die when he tried to escape from the handcuffs underwater? Because he drowned and failed his magic trick.

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I've lost my electron!! Are you sure? Yes! I'm Positive!

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Not because she had no arms, but because she just had no hands.

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I don't know about anybody else, but I just watched a part of a My Little Pony episode, and there's something about them that makes you want to come back and watch more. It's wierd, like mind control. Has anyone noticed this?

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Why did the clown go to jail? For 23 charges of rape and murder.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have alzheimer's, cheese on toast

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I love my new microwave. It comes with a list that tells just how long to cook things. Now i know how long to cook a baby for

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What did the preist say to the other preist? 'hey! we're both preists!'

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What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide, Get over it

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. She's already been told twice.

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a man walks into a bad part of town he is shot 13 times and dies.

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Why did the girls hair catch on fire her neighbor bullied her

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In Soviet Russia you don't drive car, because the Soviet Union was disbanded in 1991

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So this guy and his monkey walk into a bar, I forget the rest of the joke but your mothers a whore.

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Tom and Ralph are In a verbal scuffle. Tom: your adopted ralf! Ralph: yes! Now I have lesser chance of high blood pressure!

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Q. Why can’t a Skeleton Lift Weights? A. He’s all bone & no muscle.

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roses are red violets are blue I hear a bus...

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What is a mean thing to say to Stephen Hawking? Please take a seat.

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Why are black people so good at basketball? they can SHOOT, STEAL and RUN.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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