What is the funniest shirt Emil heskey has ever worn? A shirt that had this joke on it

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked: "Why the long face?" The horse said: "My wife just died."

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If anyone has a KIK, put it in the comments.

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What's black and white and red all over? A butler with a stab wound.

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One terrible stormy night, the citizens of Ristoville were hiding from the monsterous lightning cloud approaching them. Little Jonny Harrison, however, was not afraid. This boy had been bullied from the ripe young age of about 14 months by his closest friend, Uncle Oliver, who happens to be a Catholic Priest. Jonny wanted to face the storm, with 6 years behind him, he thought it bizzare that anything worse than Uncle Oliver's magical basement could be brought unto him. He grabbed his supply of Cheese and Onion Quavers, a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Flavoured Ribena, his pretend mobile, a 10ft long metal conductor and his pet grape, "Christopher", and set out for the journey of his life. He told his terminally ill mother that he is going for the adventure of a lifetime, his dad that he wishes him well, and finally, his Grandmother, Rosie Harrison, who has had a severe addiction to meth for almost 25 years now, who has had over 13 interventions and countless attempts at suicide, that he loves her with all of his strong, brave heart, and to hang in there. Little Jonny Harrison takes his first step outside, facing the eye of storm with a little bit of pee in his pants, squeezes his Ribena, slightly squirting it and throwing it heroicly to the drooping wet grass, and screams to the cloud, at the top of his lungs, the words, "I am unstoppable!". Jonny died of HIV induced AIDS and his Uncle was given three to five years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation and consistent domestic abuse and paedophillia. His Grandmother, Rosie, also died later that day.

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Q: how do u make a fireman cry? A: set his wife on fire

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why did the chicken cross the road, but didnt make it he didnt cross it. he was pushed by a band of gang members and hit by a bus

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So a guy comes into a bar... And he is cited for public indecency.

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Always bring food to the zoo. It's not the animals who placed the signs not to feed them.

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if life gives you lemons, you have some lemons

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What's the difference between urinating on Lady Gaga and the american flag? It would be wrong to urinate on the American flag.

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69.

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Why do many men find it difficult to make eye contact? Debilitating autism.

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Knock Knock There was no answer as the house was empty.

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what is almost like Jesus? Jesus

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What do you call a guy with out any arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob

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Why Couldn't the pirates see the movie? Because the mall strictly enforced local curfew laws ; and one of the pirates was unable to provide a valid form of identification.

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Why does everybody hates Justin Bieber? Just leave that girl alone!

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Why does Mario grown on shrooms? Because they bloom inside of him.

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? - Getting raped by an giant scorpion.

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Three irishmen walk into a bar...every day, and then stay until it closes.

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Which came first, the chicken or the egg? It's a meaningless question because animals had been creating eggs for millions of years before chickens ever evolved.

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How do you stop the neighbors from calling the police when you play your music too loud? Kill them and use their bodies as noise insulation

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A guy comes to a doctor and says: - Doctor, lately I'm having this dream where I kill my father and rape my mother. What does it mean? - Nothing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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