Do you know why i dont write poems Because i thought that violets were violets OTARTS...WAS...HERE

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I had vodka + water and got drunk. had rum + water and got drunk. had gin and water and still got drunk. I've learnt my lesson. NO MORE WATER FOR ME

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One man says to another "Hey you have banana in your ears." The other man replies "I can't hear you, I have bananas in my ears."

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How much does a fat penguin weigh? 45 kilograms.

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why is your hair black? it was heretitery.

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The tall man says; How's theweather downn there? he's talking to smurf

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A fish finds that his fishbowl is on fire. He escapes the bowl only to realize he is equally screwed.

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What looks like a 50p and has a narrow back?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares, it's a chicken.

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One man says to the other man "Hello Sir, how are you this morning?" He replies "I am doing rather well, and how are you?" The first man replies "Quite good." And they continue about their day.

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knock knok Who's there The police, I regret to inform you your son was killed in a horrific traffic accident

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Billy: Why do pirates say rrrrr? Mark: I don't know, I'm not a pirate.

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A man walks into the doctor's office for an appointment. The doctor performs the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's genitals to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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Why a man without hands and without legs want to stay in a barrel? He actually doesn't, but is unable to get out of it.

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Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I take off my shoes to step on trampolines.

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Q. why did the skeleton crosse the rood. A. he didin`t becas he had no guts

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What starts with F and ends with U-C-K? Firetruck

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What kind of doctors would you call A 30 year old chimpanzee? I would say "Plastic surgeon" but that would be unscrupulous to the chimpanzees because the tearing off or "lifting" of the owners face is because they are just animals. And should have never been kept in captivity that long anyways.

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What did the you know what screw this I'm sick of making these stupid jokes there all the same. Hang on hang on What did the pirate do to the dog yes This style of joking is so different I'm going to be a famous comedian oh wait there's a whole bloody website full of these. O look another one and another one and another one that knife over there looks really nice right now

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What did the black man do when he found a bucket full of KFC chicken on the ground? He promptly looked around for anyone who might have bought it. After searching around, with no takers, he ate some of the chicken and saved the rest. He brought it back to his apartment and left it in his fridge, so he may later eat it as leftovers.

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whats black, then white, then dead all over? Michael jackson

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If a fish eats fish bait, and a dog eats dog bait, what does a master eat? Anything he feels like eating at the given moment provided it is in accordance to his diet and beliefs.

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?"i'm so turned on right now." - horny light bulb

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why did the plumber start to cry? his family died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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