Q: Who was the best Jewish cook? A: Hitler.

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How long does it take for britney spears to change a light bulb? Fish can not leave the water without dieing.

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Roses are red.

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What's funnier than throwing a baby off a bridge? Everything, if you think that's funny, you're a terrible person.

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I'm typing this one handed... ... Because I'm an amputee.

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Why did the boy wipeout on his bike? An old man threw a snake in front of his tire

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Why did the paraplegic roll his wheelchair up a steep hill? Because he's crippled.

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Q. What is the difference between a bird and a fly? A. A bird can fly, but a fly can't.

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Pilot: We need to lighten the load of this plane Italian: I'll throw out these pizzas, there are too many of them in my country Mexican: I will throw out these tacos, there are just too many of them in my country The american stares in horror at the two men, the pizza and tacos were their only food and they were lost in the Himalayas.

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I like cheese. You like cheese. Have a nice day.

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Why did labour not win the election in 2010? Because they are clearly shit.

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Don't worry about giving me your phone number, I'll just follow you home later.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Knock Knock Whos there? Jason Oh, ok come in.

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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Up High. *high fives* In The Middle *high fives* Down Low *high fives* In the Grass *high fives* You've been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Sally Sally who? Haha I'm just kidding, I'm Jorge.

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cancer isn't that good for you. so try not to get it

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I read the terms of service.

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kk

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What's worse than getting struck by lightning? Getting struck while your in your house!!

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A Russian drinking something other than vodka.

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at his genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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What is worse than finding a real joke on Anti-joke.com? Starving children in Africa.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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