- Anti Joke

What is Kanye West's favorite type of sea-food? Lobster Bisque with a side of french fries.

Roses are nice, Violets are glorious, Try not to scare, Oscar Pistorius.

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

Did you hear about the blond that jumped off a bridge? She died.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the farmer that was trying to kill it.

Where's Waldo? Six feet under.

what is orange and blue 2 colors

how do you know when your in love? massive erection.

What did the father say to his gay son? "Finish your homework."

Why did the black man fall asleep in the unemployment line? Because he was dangerously fatigued from staying up all night weeping passionately into the arms of his wife after losing his high-earning job of twenty years after the CEO of the company declared bankruptcy and finding out that his only daughter was in the hospital in critical condition after her school bus flipped off a bridge.

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? A wood chuck could chuck as much wood as a wood chuck would if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? wheres my tractor

I've just been struck by an enormous bolt of lightning. I am covered in boils and my house is full of frogs. I strongly recommend that when referring to God, always use the upper case 'H' on all personal pronouns.

Why did the little girl have grass stains on her white dress? Because she was dragged into the forest and raped.

What is computers and smells like thin and fragile? dyslexic nipples.

When you wish upon a star... ... you're actually a few million years late, according to astronomy. The star is dead. Just like your dreams.

roses are red violet are blu--- blue? violets are violet! weird, isn't it?

A redhead walks into a bar and goes to the restroom. She needed to pee.

Why was the teacher having sex with her pupils? Because it was 2145 and that kind of shit is common then

What starts with F and ends in U C K? firetruck What starts with P and ends in O R N? popcorn What only costs 5 cents on weekends? your mom

What did one chick in a clothes shop say to another? That's cheap

What did Mitch say to joe when he saw his fly was down? Nothing because he's a bagle

Yo momma is so fat, I gave her a cupcake and she enjoyed it.

Why does steve wonder always smile? He doesn't know he's black

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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