Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid? A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil.?

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My dog has no nose. How does it smell? It doesn't

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A man walks into a bra, he is an alcoholic and is destroying his family

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What did Stephen Hawking say about Stephen Hawking Anti-jokes? "They're stupid".

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A dentist, a librarian, a construction worker, a gynecologist, a zookeeper, a shoemaker, a terrorist, a politician, a cyclist, a truck driver, a kangaroo, a Mexican, a blonde, a Jewish black guy, a Honda Civic, a monkey, a penguin, an FBI agent, a stock broker, a president of a foreign country, a CEO of a very wealthy company regarding AIDS, a founder of one of top downloaded apps in the market, a chief executive, a cook, a waitress, a priest, a nun, a little boy, a fairy, a dinosaur, and a skeleton walks into a bar. There's no punchline.

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Two Jewish men are walking when they see a penny on the ground. They continue walking because pennies are not worth picking up in today's economy

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Anti-jokes are funny.

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What has two legs and bleeds alot? Half a cat!

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock? Who's there? Not Mary.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Sally Sally who? Haha I'm just kidding, I'm Jorge.

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What did the pornstar say to the priest? i DO porn

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A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!" Passersby notice the man is blind, which caused him not to notice the bar. He later died in the hospital from severe head trauma

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A bishop died and went to heaven. At the Pearly gates he sees Saint Peter , so he says to Peter "All my life I've been a committed Christian, but I just before I died I was tempted by a woman of ill repute". Saint Peter says "This is just an illusion, your dying brain is merely conjuring up images based on your presuppositions of an 'afterlife'. You have about three seconds left"

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Patrick is gay

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Your momma is so dumb, that when she took the IQ test her scores were considerably lower then average.

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What's the difference between a bucket of shit and a black guy? -the bucket.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The pizza guy. Your pizza's here.

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What is funnier than the funniest thing in the world? Something funnier than the world!

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What do the Africans have for breakfast? Nothing.

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Four Iraqis played hide and seek 17 years ago, one of them missing, why? he's still hiding.

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Its about rewriting the laws of the universe and nothing less, yes yes theoretically the subconcious has unlimited potential (or at least potential we humans cannot theoretically comprehend nor define). But what if I can use my consciousness to trick my subconsciousness? What if I use the subconsciousness to trick the consciousness into tricking the subconciousness?

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Why did Santa die? Because he got diabetes from so many cookies

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can you touch your toes? no

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Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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