Did you hear about the eskimo and the pregnant lady? The eskimo got the pregnant lady pregnant.

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What did the anorexic girl say to the skilled psychologist? Fuck off you'll never understand me.

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Did you hear about the guy that lost the whole left side of his body? Well, he's all right.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's blind. Also, she's been dead for 43 years.

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What does a sock, pillow and a lamp have in common? -they all live underwater expect for the sock, pillow and lamp -Matt

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what is cooler than writing an anti joke? killing eveybody who thinks the " my garden is on fire" joke is funny

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Why was Harry arrested? Because he stabbed multiple children.

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Why did the old man drop his milk? He had a stroke.

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- Knock, knock. -- How many dead babies does it take to cross the street and walk into a bar? - That's an odd question to ask to a visitor. -- Your mom.

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What's better than a stick? A stone

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- Why can't the boy play games? - Because he was born dead.

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Whats brown and slippery? A brown slipper.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered sex offender.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Dr. Dr who? Dr Johnson. I'm afraid you have AIDS.

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? Your bike.

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How do you make an onion cry? Kill the chef.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Duck, Duck who? Duck Sandwich

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Yo mama so thin, she finally fit into the small - sized dress. She treats this as a great victory, and I am very happy for her.

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Kid A:We're home alone, you know what that means. Kid B:Cover ourselves in vaseline and slide around like slugs on the kitchen floor? Kid A:Yes

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Person 1: today my doctor said I'm dyslexic Person 2: oh yeah? Are you ahdd too?

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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what do you call a newborn baby? anything you want.

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When a suicide-bomber went to heaven what did Allah give him apart from 72 virgins? 72 mothers in law.

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Chuck Norris is a regular human being, just like the rest of us.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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