Q. What did Nelson say to his men before they boarded ship? A. "Board ship men"

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Your mamma's so fat she has diabetes and may die because she may not be able to loose enough weight to keep her blood sugar at a regulated number.

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Why was Timmy sad? because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What would George Washington be doing if he was alive today? Scratching and screaming at the bottom of his coffin.

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*see an orphan* Knock knock Whos there Not you parents ...

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Whats funnier than watching the kid next to you on the computer? Nothing because he is still trying to figure out that i unplugged his mouse!

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What did the camel say to the polar bear at the bar? "Uuuhhrrhrhhh"

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Why didn't the black man feed his family? They'd eaten about an hour ago.

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belly button

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what is the germans word for fat dick what is very fat hairy dick

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One day a priest walked into a prison to bring lost souls to the Lord.....Not his best idea.

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A man walks in the a bar Now he has 3 missing teeth

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How do you put a baby in a blender? Feet first, so you can see its expression. How do you get a baby out of a blender? With chips.

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How do you catch a green elephant? you paint it red and use a Red Elephant Trap

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What is the best thing in the world? The opposite of the worst thing in the world.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I will ask you one question, and that will determine whether you can enter Heaven." The man nods nervously. St. Peter asks, "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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what do u get when you cross a monkey, a sock and wheels? A: a sock monkey. I was kidding about the wheels

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Why was the black man afraid of leaving his house? Because he has severe agoraphobia and cannot function normally in society.

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Disregard Females, Acquire Currency.

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Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are all dead

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why did the duck cross the road? More than likely there was something that appeals to the duck on the other side such as a pond or duck food. On the contrary there could also be something that did not appeal to the duck on the side from which he is departing from such as a lack of a pond or a lack of duck food.

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I don't drink. I'm not 21.

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A blind man accidentally walks into a gay bar. The bartender escorted him out and pointed him in the right direction.

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What do you get when a person and a cat try to have a child of some sort? Nothing because there chromosomes don't match, and there for physically impossible.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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