Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Why is this the worst joke ever? Because it isn't even funny.

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, the highest he placed was 4th.

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How did bob survive the explosion? He wasn't at the explosion.

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What's blue and pillowy? A blue pillow

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A jew walks into a bar and asked for 5 shots the bartender replies to him "did you and your wife have a fight" "yeah now shes atheist"

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http://www.booksie.com/declan_mckimm

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What's the difference between Barney the dinosaur and Santa? Barney loves you.

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Q: What's sad about seeing a dead twenty year old lying at the corner of a street with a beer bottle in his hand? A: He owed me twenty bucks.

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What happens when you cut down a tree? It falls down.

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What did the deaf man say to the blind man? Probably "Look out for that car," but since he has been deaf since the age of 7, his verbal skills are tenuous at best.

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because someone threw a fridge at him

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A kid who lost parents is called an orphan and a wife who lost her husband is called a widow. What do you call parents who lost their child? Free on the Weekends.

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What's the best way to look 10 pounds thinner? Lose 10 pounds

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What did the the water hose say to the man? Nothing, but the sight of water made the man thirsty and he drank to excess and died from dilution of his blood.

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Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

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For as long as i can remember, i've had memories

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What's funnier than a fat person falling nothing is

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So a horse walks into a bar.. and breaks both its front legs. The owner has to shoot it because it can't race anymore

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What is worse than ten babies in the street, eleven babies in the street.

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A lady was walking to the grocery store as she was walking she saw a old lady with a dog behind them where two black merses and about 200 women behind the merses. The lady Rushes over and ask '' Maim i am sorry to bother you but i would like to know who you lost and how?'' The old lady paused for a minute and awnsered '' I lost my husband and mother in law, Well My husband had just walked in to the house and my new dog went and ferousiously atacted him my mother in law had been living with us at the time she the jumped in and tried to help him They both died because of blood loss'' The lady looked at her with simpathy and thought i feel sorry for her husband and his mother she then asked '' Can i barrow your dog'' the old lady looked puzzled and said '' Get in line '' The lady walked to the end of the line as the dog was Passed to a women and taken home then passed back. When the women got her turn she thought do i want to kill my husband then she thought yes

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what long hard and in a tight hole? a penis in a vagina

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What do Muslims and Jews have in common? Shared humanity.

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Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One holds groceries and the other molests little children.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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