How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poke her face? No slap her bum!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

If you are reading this you will soon suffer a slow and painful blow job... -_-

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you drown a blonde? Tie a cinderblock to her foot and throw her in water.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's worst then a parking ticket? The plague

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? You find someone you trust and say "an elephant has been in my refrigerator".

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the boy seeing stars? It was night time.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the asian boy get straight A's? He paid attention during class, took good notes, studied at home, and had a personal drive that lead him to be a good student.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why couldn't the duck get his driver's license? Well, it was a duck and as far as we're concerned they don't have thumbs or arms and are therefore incapable of driving.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the second and says, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" The second muffin replies, "Holy crap a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the man throw his alarm clock out the window? Because he has anger management issues.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you say to a blind man in a sunglasses store? Nothing. Why do you feel the need to bother strangers while you needlessly shop at your local merchandise outlet?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why do black people have dark skin? Lack of melanin in their skin. You learn something new every day.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What do u call fear of Chuck Norris? Logical

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Whats worse than getting dirt on your brand new J's Finding your girlfriend cheating on you with your Great Dane and realizing that he dose her better than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then he sits down to enjoy his evening.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you get rid of a pile of dead babies? Call 911 so someone will pick them up and take them to the morgue.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

There were once two horses names Bill and Ed who lived on a farm. Every day Bill and Ed would race from the old barn past the broken tractor to the tall oak tree. Bill was very fast, but Ed always beat Bill. After many months, Bill was fed up. "I've had it with you!" he shouted to Ed. "I won't race with you anymore." Ed was very sad. He liked racing very much. The next day, Ed asked Bill, "Hey Bill, come race with me to the tall oak tree!" But Bill said, "No, you'll just beat me. I won't race with you." Ed thought for a moment, then said, "Fine, I'll let you start 5 meters in front of me." Bill pondered the proposition. Finally, he agreed. They started at the old barn, with Bill 5 meters in front of Ed. They both started running at the same time. As they passed the broken truck, Bill was happy to see that he was beating Ed. But at the last second, Ed sprinted forwards and beat Bill. "Ed!" shouted Bill, exasperated. "I can't believe you beat me! I'm never racing you again." But the next day, Ed asked Bill to race again. "This time, you can start 15 meters in front of me." Bill pondered the proposition, then finally agreed. 15 meters was a long way to catch up. They began to race. Bill was winning, but at the last second, Ed caught up and beat him. "Ed! I can't believe you beat me! I will never race you again," said Bill. But the next day, Ed asked Bill to race him again. "No way!" said Bill. "This time, I'll let you start at the broken truck," offered Ed. Bill thought for a moment. The truck was very close to the old oak tree, there was no way Ed could beat him. So he agreed. They began to race again. Bill was winning, but at the last second, Ed beat him again. "That's it!" shouted Bill. "I will never, ever race with you again!" But the next day Ed asked Bill again to race him. "This time, you can start 10 meters from the oak tree." Bill thought about it. There was no way Ed could beat him if he started 10 meters from the finish line. But his thoughts were interrupted by the dog running over. He said, "Bill! Don't race him, he will surely beat you!" Bill was silent for a moment. He looked at the dog, then to Ed. Then back to the dog. Then back to Ed. "Ed," he said perplexedly, "I didn't know dogs could talk too!"

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A Mexican and an Irishman walk into a bar. They have a couple drinks. Then they leave because it turns out that wasn't the bar they were meeting the Jew at.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

George W. Bush

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did robin get in the batmobile? Batman told him to

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Your momma's so fat, that if the word for fat was "plachow" I'd say "yeah your momma, she's a little bit plachow."

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What would you find if you shaved chuck norris's beard? A chin.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Three males walked into a bar. one of them was a kangaroo.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops