A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Going out for a quiet one, having a drink or two, and returning home.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What do you call someone who can't lose? Charlie Sheen

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why can't Billy ride the bicycle? Billy's a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: What did one poor guy say to the other poor guy? A: We're both black

thumb_up thumb_down -2

a. get me a drink b. a would but but i got no arms

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what did the man say to the sad woman? go make ma a sammich before i hit you again! the women refused and was hit again.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

If it looks like chicken and tastes like chicken but Chuck Norris says it's beef, politely correct him. He is actually a very sensible fellow and will probably thank you for doing so.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the angry husband murder his cheating wife? She forgot to cook dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Nobody enjoys your company. Nobody likes your work. Nobody loves you. There is no person who's name is legitimately nobody.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Three tomatoes are walking down the street... No wait, they're in my salad.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you get when you cross a fan with a child? A mess that you now have to clean up.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

An Antihumorous Story Part One A rich man named Richard told his son James that he could have anything in the world for his thirteenth birthday. James only asked for one thing: a silver box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. So Richard gave him a metal box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. Five years later, Richard heard a strange noise coming from James' room. It was the sound of a machine whirring, then a high pitched scream. All of a sudden, James bursted out of his room and ran out of the house. Later, the boy could not recall the incident. It was completely erased from his memory. For his eighteenth birthday, James asked for a golden box containing 785 pink ping balls. So it was granted him. For the next ten years, Richard kept a careful eye on his son. Every night, James could be heard whispering madly, "It's almost ready," over and over. For his twenty-eighth birthday, James asked for a simple wooden box that had one million pink ping pong balls inside. "What do you need all those pink ping pong balls for?" Richard finally asked. James froze, fiddling with something in the pocket of his jacket. "Oh yes, that. They were necessary for--" Then he got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down

Oh my God! A talking dog!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you make a Russian baby cry? Punch it in the face

thumb_up thumb_down +39

I now pronounce you man and lion. You may now kiss the pride.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I do u blow up a house U put dynamite in it

thumb_up thumb_down -36

A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7 8 9. I'm just counting

thumb_up thumb_down -6

When im invisible you cant see me, i know

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why was the boy with a green and blue collared shirt holding a bottle of rice dead at the bottom of the sea? Because he was pushed of a boat and couldn't swim.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

It said i can write my own joke so i did.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man walks into a bar. He asked the bartender if he accepts $100 bills. The bartender says "no".

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops