A kangaroo walks into a bar and says "Lipstick is the blood of all wounds." The bartender does not know how the kangaroo said this or why.

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George Lopez never said anything funny in his life.

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- Why did the man with the big pocket get arrested in Utah? - Because adultery is illegal in Utah.

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Dear Board of education, so are we.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face!

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It's green, has four legs and sits in a tree. And if it falls on your head you're dead. A billiard table.

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It's likely that very few people will read this.

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A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor.

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What did the award-winning physicist say to the community college graduate? I'll have Chicken McNuggets please.

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why was the boy sad? his bellybutton hurt

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What do you get when you combine High Fructose corn syrup. sunflower oil, carbohydrates, and water. How the heck should I know!

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Everyone text/call Mrs. Butt Hemingworth for a free pint of her delicious marmalade! Serious inquirers only. 832 704 1331

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A man is mowing the lawn. The mower stops, so he reaches down to see if something's stuck in the blades. What does he pull out? His finger.

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What do you call Chuck Norris being killed? This is impossible so we are not give it a name.

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What's black and can't swim? A black shirt.

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A russian, a mexican, and an american are all sitting in a tavern. The russian ordered vodka, the mexican orders tequila, and the american orders a beer. When the waiter arrives, the russian throws his vodka into the air, shoots it, and says "we got too many of those in our country". The mexican tosses up his tequila and says "we got too many of those in our country". The american throws up his beer, shoots the mexican, and says "we got too many of those in our country". And then drinks his beer.

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What has two legs but can't walk A paraplegic

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A man walks into a bar, but it's really not his fault because his seeing eye dog led him right into it.

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That dress looks amazing on you considering how fat you are.

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Q: Whats worse than a dead baby in a bag? A: Please just make my hamburger.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poems, wanna f***.

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Haiku's are easy, But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Who the hell named a blue flower "violet"?

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What's the difference between? Your mom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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