IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

"Ask me if I'm a tea pot" "Are you a tea pot?" "No" Try this on your friends

thumb_up thumb_down +18

twenty three roaches walk into a bar. the bar is evacuated due to insects.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Knock Knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? You are you.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

why did a girl walk down the alley? because her name was alley!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How long does it take a blonde to skrew in a light bulb? Any amount of time; given that she knows that said bulb is in need of replace meant, or that said blonde is disabled, or if you thought I would make some kind of funny blonde joke that you would tell your friend and then forget ten minutes later, only to think of it a day later and claim it as your own.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why did John not like his chocolate? It wasn't chocolate it was poop.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the boy fall over? Because he got hit by a car. Follow forever.art7 on Insta.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Your mother is so fat that when she steps on a scale it shows her a weight that she is not very satisfied with

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why does one side of a v-flock of geese have more birds? Because it does.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were going for a walk. They spotted some tracks, and stopped to inspect them. "Those are train tracks." The blonde noted. They agreed, looked both ways, then crossed safely over it.

thumb_up thumb_down +470

skurfboards we love fat kids

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the baby cross the road? It was being dragged by a truck

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Whats worse then a dead baby? 10 dead babies

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q:What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? A: It varies. But most dental offices are open for service between 8am and 4pm

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the Mexican steal a pack of tortillas? To feed his family. He didn't have the necessary funds to pay for it.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you call a seven foot Egyptian named Randy who trains leopards to uproot floral cactuses? Randy.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's big, wet and yellowish-green at midnight? I don't know. That's why I'm asking.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,155

So a 12 year old suicide bomber walks in to a military base and kills 31 soldiers. It happened. Look it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call cheese that isnt yours? Stolen cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What you reading? reading?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why didn't the octopus have any friends? Because they are antisocial creatures by nature.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,801

Why is this room orange? Because I painted it orange. You didn't paint it; my mom painted it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Every week or so Chuck Norris does his laundry.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops