Roses are pink. Violets are pink. The brony just took a dump. Don't give me that shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What is similar about Michael Jackson and Walmart? Nothing they have nothing to do with each other

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the football player go to the bank? He had to make a deposit and refinance his home.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a black man without a job? Unemployed.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A young boy walks into a bar and asks for directions or a map. The bartender takes him into a backroom and gives him a map he just happened to have. The boy continues on his way and the bartender is happy that he did a good deed.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock knock Who's there ... Hello? Is there anyone there? (In the bushes) Ha! He'll never suspect us!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What is the difference between Jews and the boyscouts? The boyscouts come home from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

You're flying above the Kansas Ocean, you lose your brakes and have to paddle all the way to shore. How many dogs can you fit on a carousel? Blue, because Ice Cream is cold.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A marine biologist is captured by a group of violent pirates. After hours of being tortured, the pirates make him walk the plank. As he is pushed on to the plank, they ask him for his one last request. He responds "Kill yourselves." The pirates proceed to stab themselves until they bleed out and the marine biologist is the last man on the boat.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is better then fisting? Fisting with a metal studded glove

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Gary: Hey Bill, wanna hear a joke? Bill: Yes Gary: Okay.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

HEY WATCH OUT FOR THAT TRUCK! What truck? Weird I could have sworn I saw a truck...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A guy walks into a bar, A metal one, OUCH!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

what did the little girl with no legs and no arms get for christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did the "gangster" looking black guy ask the white guy he approached randomly on the street? "Excuse me sir, are you aware of the injustices done toward the jewish community that has been the decline of western society since the reclamation proclamation?"

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a Triceratops.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why did the 1,000 pound woman start crying? Because her son got hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

What do stupid fat ugly women always say to me? “I think you have a problem with women.”

thumb_up thumb_down -12

You know you are really drunk if your blood alcohol Is higher than .08

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Whats worst than finding half a worm in your apple? Getting rapped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate you, Go die in a hole.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's more fucked up that the Bill Cosby rape accusations? Sam and Adele's shower time on a Wednesday night

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 27

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops