Roses are red. I have OCD. That rose IS red right.. Let me check again.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

– Hello. Is this a laundry? – Yes, it is a laundry.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why can't Helen Keller drive a bus? Because she's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did John forget his homework? While driving herself home at 8:00 PM the previous evening, his mother got into a terrible automobile accident. She was rushed to the emergency room, only to find out that one of her main arteries in her right arm was cut. Death was probable for her in the next few hours. John and his father, sitting at home playing a friendly game of chess, were notified of the accident by hospital secretaries. His father rushed John with him to the hospital in his Toyota Camry. Upon arrival, they were notified that John's mother had only a few moments left to live. They ran into her room, and said their last parting words. John's were "I love you, Mom.", and her husband's were "I love you, honey." She then passed away. John began to weep, and his father put his arm around him to try to comfort him, while feeling extreme sadness as well. Around this time, back at home, his dog, Rex, ate his homework that he left on the dining room table. John and his dad then drove back home, crying their eyes out. This kind of sadness they have never experienced before. He will always remember his mom, and love her to bits. His dad, well, he was never really the same after her death. The funeral was scheduled for the next week. John will always remember his mom as being a nice, caring individual with so much love for everyone in the world. Him and his dad later picked out a nice, blue coffin that reads "You will always be missed" on the top of it. They chose it because John's mom's favorite color was blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what is worse the Holocaust or slavery? patantan!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

My grandpa asked me a very important question right before he kicked the bucket. Grandpa: Son, how far do you think I could kick this bucket?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1Kuo-n7Du0

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's white and capable of flash photography? A pony, I lied about the photography.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Whats big brown and sticky A sappy oak tree

thumb_up thumb_down -2

dfghfgdfhfdhfgdfghdfh

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what do kids take their lunch in to school. that depends if they buy lunch at school... otherwise they bring it in a lunchbox...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If I crash my car, how many trees does it take to cover my yard in orange juice, yellow, because a cat pissed on my foot.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

This is a sentence. This is also a senctence.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

John has 37 candy bars and eats 36 of them? What does John have? Diabetes, John has Diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

whats worse than shitting in a urinal??? shitting in a shower

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There was a hundred dollar note lying flat on the ground. The homeless guy didn't pick it up and walked on because he didn't see it.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because its rayseans favorite number

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the cat die? Johnny put in the microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How did the gay guy greet the other gay guy? Nice to meet you.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If 2 trains are going 60 mph, their going in opposite directions towards each other, they are slowing down 1 mile per hour per 10 miles and they are 100 miles away, would you rather have Coke or Pepsi?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Where do 4 Mexicans in a car go? In the Car Pool lane.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops