Roses are red Violets are red Oh god I'm bleeding It's getting in my eyes

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Q: What did the clam say to the postman? Moral: "Hey its me the worlds only talking clam! How you doing dude!"

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A: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Q: None! They shouldn't have to...

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen property that you should return immediately because the consequences of shop-lifting can prevent you from getting a good job and might land you in prison.

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Three decapitated children walk into a bar..... If you are laughing at this....what the hell is wrong with you?

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boobs.

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i said wut wut in the butt!

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What do you call a naked black person? A black guy

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Girl you must be Jamaican...because you're black and annoying.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Why did somebody text "lol"? Because they laughed out loud.

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this site is funny.

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no jokes left :( ill try to make some more the ones with nude in my comments is mine

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If a train leaves Chicago at 50 miles per hour, how hard does the baby strapped to the tracks get splattered?

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How did the chicken cross the road. He didn't he was ran over by a bus.

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Why did the Black man kill the White man? So he could end up in jail with the rest of his family.

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An English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man walk into a bar. I observed this from outside and therefore have no idea as to any of the sequence of events that occurred once they had entered the bar and disappeared from my line of sight.

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If you are good at taking quizzes, you are quizzical. What are you if you are good at taking tests? Testical.

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Man: You know what sucks? Other man: What? Man: Diarrhea... Know what's worse? Other man: No, what? Man: The smell.

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Why wasn't the woman in the kitchen? Because she was in the living room.

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What did one liar say to the other liar? I'm very honest.

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How do you kill a blond wearing a hat? Shoot her in the face.

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Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin says "oh my god were going to die!" The other says "Holy shit a talking muffin!"

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What did the... Uh, I forgot the rest of the joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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