Three monkeys are sitting in a tree. Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? -He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? -He was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? -Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Reading another damn "worm in your apple" joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde got angry and called the cops, who proceeded to come and arrest him.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: Why did the Jew fit in with the White people? A: Because he, and his compatriots, have accepted the view of Judaism as a religion, and perhaps a lifestyle -- but not a race.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the baby say to it's mother as it was being thrown in the trash bin? Nothing, it couldn't talk yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

There once was a man from Nantucket, whose dick was so long he could provide women with more pleasure than the average male.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A man named Joe has practiced drawing cartoon characters his entire life. When Joe turns 15 he decides to enter a local drawing competeiton. Joe works very hard drawing his cartoon and finally finishes. When it is the time to hand in his drawing his drawing, he hands it in an receives a satisfying 2nd place and continues on with his life. Two years later Joe decides to enter another drawing competeiton (this one much more competitive) after his drawing skills have tremendously increased. He begins drawing and is 3/4 of the way finished when Joe is brutally murdered by a mentally disturbed man and cannot hand in his art work and is therefore disqualified from the competeiton and loses.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's 9 + 10 19

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man drove up to a drive-thru. He ordered a coke, but the lady at the window spilled it on his lap. He promptly changed his clothes and accepted the lady's apology.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If dropped from the same height, which hits the ground first an apple or a baby? the apple because the baby has a rope tied around its neck

thumb_up thumb_down -6

what happened when the sports mascot ate a bean and cheese burrito? he shat inside his costume and got fired.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was Superman white? Because Jerry Siegel is a racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why did the black guy eat KFC? Cause he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

i had sex i stuck my dick into your mouth

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How can you tell if a duck is sleeping? Look at its eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I jacked off over a blind girl the other day, she never saw me coming

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A minor, her mom, her aunt and a marine went out drinking...they had a fun night

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A guy walks into a bar and doesn't buy a 12 pack of coke, pepsi is better but he didn't have enough money to buy either.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A smart kid just answered a question in class, a blonde girl then says "Nerd, your always answering all the questions". The teacher then says "Hey thats not nice, he could be your boss one day." The smart kid quickly replies "Highly unlikely, i do not plan on being a pimp when i grow up".

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what's funnier then 33? actually there's a plenty of things, just have to think about it

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Two black men are sitting next to each other on a bench when a woman walks by. The first man says "Damn, that's a nice pair of tits!". The second man said "Yes, she does posses a supple and voluptuous bosom." The cat that was sitting underneath the bench then began cleaning himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why'd the aborted fetus cross the road? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What did the dumb blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? A: Look! Donut seeds!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops