What has legs but can't walk? A table...or a dog with four broken legs.

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Why did the mass murderer abandon his killing spree? He found out it was illegal.

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-When is a door not a door? -Never

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What do a grape and a spider have in common? Both have 8 legs..... Except for the grape.

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What do you call a girl who can run faster than me? Virgin

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A blind man jumped out of the way as a car ran through the red light at a one way street.

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Why was the girl-scout crying? I hit her in the knee with a baseball bat.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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Yo mama so fat, that she's even bigger than the universe!

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Why couldnt the boy lick his elbows? Because he lost his arms after he was violently beaten by his drunk father with a bat.

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Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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A man sees the doctor. "Doctor, if I hit myself on my head, it hurts, if I hit myself on my arm, it hurts, and if I hit myself on my leg, it hurts as well." "The case is clear. You need to f*ing stop hitting yourself!"

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There are two muffins in an oven. One says nothing. Muffins can't talk.

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Q: What do you call a dyslexic Irish man with no legs? A: Handicapped

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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? Gloves.

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Why did the Old Lady cross the road? Because the worm selected her as a weapon

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That maternal figure of yours is of such inadequate intelligence that she cannot fathom that, given a scatterplot with a linear correlation of greater than -1 and lesser than 1 and a reasonably consistent rise over run, a future value along the y-axis can be predicted if following the y=a(x)+b equation.

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Did you hear about the Pole who studied for 5 days?

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What did the hobo get for Christmas? Nothing

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy! But here's my switchblade Get in the trunk.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a trash can? 12- 18 (depending on size) I know this because i use to work at a abortion clinic

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Why did the chair fall off the cliff? Well it is an inamitate object so it did not move itself, someone must have threw it

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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

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How do you kill a 6'5 black man in a dark alley? Stab him 3 times in the appendix with a 12 inch blade.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops