Glad to hear from you too (should I call you sister now? Thats gonna be a bit rough, but I guess I was never old enough to be your stepfather either this is making my headache worse, I sure as hell wont suicide... That unless you do not call my wife that is... Nah, its just that from what we have been seeing from the cams, these guys are killing people left and right, and well, if anyone of them kill the cops, these bad boys are going to kill everybody, and they obviously mean it. (Well I have also seen a lot of cartoon crocodiles playing the guitar on the wall which might come help us in a pinch, but it might sadly just be the fever). What I am trying to say, is that if my boys are as rusty as I arm (got it?) then they wont make it without the main man, actually, while I personally never wanted to fight for my people literally, especially not to the death, much of this is my fault too, I should have demanded that little bitches such as your father do as I say, or just leave the plac Never got the cigar joke huh? I always told you I am going to smoke my first last cigar the day I know I am gonna die, and while I did not mean it literally then, well... Its not a cigar its a stick of some very high explosive whose name I remember when I am not you know... Crocodilles, hey, its even Mickey Mouse there... Finally a chance to kill that piece of shit. Or maybe I wont smoke it, got to ask my "shadows" how strong it really is, I wont want to kill both of the assholes that got me, and every single of my followers in the process, good thing we got a nice bunch of members huh? And that many are here, and others found their way out somehow, because if we had less, they would all be dead by now... And I cant do shit, problem with my boys, is that they will do much better at infiltrating the place if they know of all the secret entrances and exits this paranoid son of a literal shedog put around... And look at them "Neronists" finally appreciating them as they get out of the place trough them. Well not all our places got them, told you I should have demanded what I wanted rather than... Never mind... Honestly, call my "shadow people" and them my wife, not sure how long I want to look at those that chose to follow me into what has already become a massacre, so if I make it, I will make sure those that remain not only listen, but actually fucking heed me or gtfo! It might just be the jaw hurting like hell again, but after this there wont be no Mr.Nice guy again... Not that there really was, I am just saying my new attitude will make people remember me as a pretty nice guy in comparison. I wont kill your father, seems like he will be suffering for life now, he knows he had many chances to change things around and now and he knows it might just be too late now. Either that, or that I decided to break all of his fingers after he attacked me... How dare a tall big man, attack a poor feverish crippled, demented, psychopath with a broken jaw... Did not help the thoughtless son of a bitch tried to punch me in... The Jaw... either. Damn, I was thinking about getting into action asap, but these "Black Shadows" wont get here in like two days, and then its two days to get back... Listen, id love a response, but I just got more of these medications "for my fever" but my jaw does not hurt anymore, and I am falling asleep, so either some douche pulled a roofie on me or that other pill I took was a painkiller. Take care, and remember, I always got a backup plan if the backup plan fails, aaaaaaand as I am starting to get very "whooly" in the head, I am just thinking: Nah if I get shot a lot, there is always Robocop right? Nerocop? Okay I assume this is just for robots and police officers, sorry to say this before I go nitenite, but should I tell you to call the cops on these guys? They have filled the place with explosives, its like a fucking die hard movie except with a lot less broken glass and... Not so many dead yet, I mean things have calmed down now that our vets are done struggling, sigh... Them veterinarians being all macho and not really defending themselves... Or was it war veterans... Mr Crocodile number seven is telling me that I should stop making fun of people dying (but people die all the time!) or else I wont get to kill Mickey Mouse. Anyway, holy crap these meds are strong as hell, my mouth is foaming like shit and I need to end because I am standing even though I cant feel my legs... Oh right, I am sitting holy crap! Take care girl, at this rate ill be remembered as the certain one that supposedly makes incredible promises, but then takes people`s souls... You know... GOD? *Cant stop laughing* Sorry just trying to find something profound to say, maybe some mighty last words such as... Oh right I am going to contact you tomorrow... ...Talk about "mighty" "last" words... I cant feel my... Well lets just say I better go take a leak just in case... I hope I was not always this much of a loudmouth fuck... I mean... Nah you turned out just fine after all... Its time you got to bed too, dont reply, call my wife, then call my brother, and tell him that he is a piece of shit, and that if I die, ill be waiting for him in hell... And then kill him for me. I believe his weakness is a bullet to the head. See you around, nitenite. Ps: Ironically no coding here, its just that while I cant stop talking, I cant speak nor shout either, cant move my feet, maybe breaking that baggots hands was a bad idea... This is like 15 minutes later, a couple of fucking nurses are gonna help me when I am done writing, two male nurses blargh, maybe they will just let me stay here if I keep on typing for all of eternity... Never mind, I typed in big letters "Get me those pretty female ones!" and then apparently did not delete it, they left, hopefully something... Lol... "Promise them a better life, and then claim their souls so they might eternally serve you" The Black Angel Or God? WHEN I survive I am gonna go back to posting these FACTS every once in a while here again. God Mathew 0:69 I believe... Sorry I keep forgetting who I am typing to, and my hands are so numb I cant mash the space butoon, oh wait its delete, or backspa... Anyway chat you up tomorrow kiddo.

how do make a condom fly around the room? Piss it off!

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the sloth fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

What do u get when you mix a young asian woman and a black man? Tiger Woods

Yes, it's for the patiënt in the other room.

A thief walks into a bank. He has an account there and withdraws 200 bucks.

Apple.

Nicki Minaj walks into a bar... there's no punchline because ruining music isn't funny.

How do you blindfold an Asian person? Take a price of cloth and put it over his eyes

If one train goes east at 30mph and another train goes south at 53mph, how many pancakes does it take to make a mattress? 7 because peanut butter can't climb trees.

A Jew walks into a bar........... he buys it.

How do you blindfold an asian? With a blindfold.

Women's Rights

Finding TWO worms in your apple.

Women's rights

Hitler walks into a bar and is shot on sight

What do you get when an Asian and a black person have a baby? Black and yellow. Black and yellow. Black and yellow. :)

What did the autistic child say to the doctor? Nothing. His condition is so severe that he is mute and may never talk for the rest of his life.

What do you all a dead black man? A corpse.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow that's been chopped in half? Dead

Thank you so much Nero, I have read it and I am crying because I am happy, at first I was worried because I have never cried out of happiness before. But its over. Nero, you underestimate yourself a lot, promise me we will work with that together, sometimes you almost convince me you are as inferior as you say, but then you get out of your shell of doubt your past has caused in you (its not you when you doubt yourself its what they put in you), you are always there when people need you, teach me hypnosis someday and let me remove that part of you which does not allow you to believe in yourself. Dont reply Nero, calm down and sleep, I feel you are allright, I just know.

Q: Why did the plain crash? A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. By: LV

Why couldn't the boy turn around in the hallway? Becasue he had a javelin through his head

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road ? A. Because he had grown tired of living thus choosing to end his life.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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