What is the difference between a mallard with a cold and you? One is a sick duck I forget how this ends, but your mother is a whore.

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Whats worse than a bunch of teen-agers throwing kitrens at my house I didn't save them because I thought they were jehovahs witness's

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A: What Santa said when he caught Mrs. Claus with one of his elves... Q: What is "Ho ho ho?"

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At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

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So Doc... Do I have H.I.V or not? Well... Lets just say you should think positive now... NO! I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS *Jumps out window* ...Because the results might not appear correctl... OH you do not have... Where did you go? Phew, Good thing it was first floor! Dont be silly, you dont have an immune system which means you have full blown AIDS

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Q :Why did the girl fall off the swing? A: She had no arms.

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why did the man jump off the building? to commit suicide.

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How many pianos does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to play a motivational tune.

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How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your house? You could ask a neighbor, or check to see if anything has been missing, or set up a camera. There are actually many ways.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? wheres my tractor

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what did one worm say to the other worm? nothing. worms are incapable of speaking.

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Why are blondes stupid? They are not. Its just in America society has been given that impression through inaccurate and crude jokes.

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what didn't Jon go to the movies? He tripped and broke his neck and cant look up

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Whats white and can talk? Snow, i lied about the colour

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Nero7 How are you doing? This is "Eliza" I hope I will be joining, but I cannot reach you by phone, please respond ASAP time is running out.

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They give psychiatric patients acting classes in order for them to express and as such heal themselves? Excuse me fucktard! A guy that has deluded himself into believing he is the 11.356th Napoleon does not require further acting classes!

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Q: Why can you not thumb up your own comment? A: "You've already voted" douche...

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Who did the Vampire bite? No one because vampires aren't real.

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why was 6 afraid of 7?

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Why does a snake have eyes? To see!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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