Q: If Jack Bauer is partially gay, then what are you? A: His sidekick -Ryan Vallee

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What's more funny than 10 dead babies in the bottom of a trash can? 1 dead baby in the bottom of 10 trash cans...

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what's black and white? everything. i'm a dog

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted to see its chicks that got run over by a car.

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Why was the blonde staring at the bottle of orange juice? She was reading the nutrition facts, as she was trying to watch her weight.

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A duck walks into a bar. The bartender-"Hey we don't serve your kind here!" The duck-"What ducks?" The bartender -"No Jewish"

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Why couldn't the emo kid finish reading his book? Because he was on the titanic when it sank.

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What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall? Nothing. Fish cannot speak

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A monkfish walks into a bar... The world blew up

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, racist.

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Roses are red, violets are blue and the sun is very hot

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When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone's eyes.

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Why cant Helen Keller drive a bus? Cuz she's dead!

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Did you here about the guy who got his right leg and right arm cut off? I made him up but he would make one good anti-joke.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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Whats worse than getting mugged? Getting mugged twice.

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Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

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What's better than a nice hot shower on a cold, rainy day? Osama bin Laden rotting away at the bottom of the ocean.

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A little girl was curious about where people come from so she asked a very controversial question. Girl goes up to her mother and ask "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Mother replies "Ask daddy." Girl says "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Father replies "Ask the dog." Girl then goes up to her dog and says "Doggy, where do babies come from?" The dog doesn't reply because it's a dog.

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How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb? Any number of chickens plus one person.

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Why did Sally drown? She wasn't wearing a life jacket and it was the the seventh time she had fallen off her water skis today. Her father was not coming back this time.

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What's the difference between a mexican and a bench A bench can support a family

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a child and his father were on a bike ride the child tried to cross a street but was run over by a truck. His father now lives homeless and griefs his dead son.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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