A murderer takes you hostage. He lists three ways that you will die, but he lets you choose your death: 1. A bullet in your head. 2. A knife in your heart. 3. A lethal injection. What do you choose? It doesn't matter. You're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What did the suicide bomber say on new years day? Happy new year.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How did the chicken know where he was going? He had a map.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

how many blondes does it take to fix a lightbulb? 764,983,792,545,653,

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Police say's 'have you been drinking' and you reply back saying 'YES' then the police brings out the blower and you blow, it says on it that you are fine, but then the cops ask you 'what did you drink' and you just say 'well i drank juice for breakfast then had some water, tea, coffee' the cops get really angry but before he says anything you say that ' I AM MUSLIM'

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why didnt the chicken cross the road? He was chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

jokes r dumb

thumb_up thumb_down +9

You stink so bad that you should cleanse yourself via shower and/or bath.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

JUSTIN BIEBER IS A FAG

thumb_up thumb_down -4

It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Whats better then free candy from a guy in a van? Trying to find his lost puppy so his kids don't cry.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

a cat gets mauled by a dog. it died later that day

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why didn't the black man sit in the front of the bus? Because he lives in a society where it is illegal and socially unacceptable for a person of African decent to sit in towards the front of the bus, near the driver, which is most commonly reserved for a person of European decent.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two, kills them. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

thumb_up thumb_down

Hey guya im a female stripper and if you want to have some fun call me 8633972535 thanks. -Tyler

thumb_up thumb_down -21

- Knock knock - Who's there - James - James who ? - James Redwood.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak and will have her institutionalized as soon as they find her.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What do you call a fly with no wings? Disabled

thumb_up thumb_down +4

two philosophers stood in silence at the foot of a very large mountain; a mountain not only too high to climb, but also too wide to walk around. So the first philosopher finally speaks: "...so, what do you do for a living?"

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why was the man alone? Because he was tied to a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

ask me if im a door yes

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you get when you cross a third edition X-19 TQRFT scooter with a teal-colored pencil? A third edition X-19 TQRFT scooter with a teal-colored pencil on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the clown have a heart attack? He had long term heart problems.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops