What do you call a black guy in space? An astronaut

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To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

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Holy mother moley! Britain just brexited! Now there's no more Britain. Britain is all gone.

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I man walks into a bar. He drinks four beers, gives the bartender his keys, and takes a cab home. The next day he gets his best friend to drop him off at the bar, picks up his car, and is three minutes early to work.

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Nope, but yeah Felix looks a lot like Mickey Mouse, I think, nah it was Oswald the Lucky rabbit I believe, and he used to get his ass kicked by... Damn, what`s the name of the fat cat that beat up Mickey in steamboat willie?

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Why did Jill come "tumbling" down the hill after Jack broke his crown? She fell running on a hill, essentially why Jack broke his crown.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?" then one of the costumers calls the health inspector and he shuts the place down because its not sanitary to have dirty horses in bars.

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Austin is gay. He goes to River Road. And is a sophomore.

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I ENJOY MASTURBATING

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What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved

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I tried frying some fish today, and it started sizzling at me. I took it as a direct threat and started yelling at the stove. Eventually it stopped and dinner was ruined, but I was proud of myself for winning.

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Simon says; "You're adopted."

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Why did my brother drive the speed limit? Because it's the law

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Q: Why did Temia go to sleep? A: Cause swaq and she was so skuxx!

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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How do you know when there's a terrorist in an airport? There's a camel in the parking lot.

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What do you get when a fat kid eats a donut... A Heart Attack.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? As many as the compacity of the car can hold and how big the jews are

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Knock Knock Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? What? No? I'm here to inform you that your child won't be coming out of that coma, I'm sorry.

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A doctor tells a woman he needs to take her rectal temperature. The woman tells the doctor "That's not my rectum." The doctor promptly apologizes and conducts the rest of the check up.

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whats worse than having cancer? nothing you have cancer and should proceed to see doctor

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Women age like a fine wine: sediment develops as they lose their tannins, and earthy notes of oak and mineral develop in their flavor profile, giving them a lengthened finish.

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I hate it when i don't forward an email and then i die the next day.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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