Hey, you must be a parking ticket. Because you are on the windshield of my car.

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What did the asshole say to his friend behind him? Fart

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Your mom is so fat that she has trouble walking up the stairs because she gets easily winded.

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A homeless man comes home from work.

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What did the teacher say to the other teacher? We are both teachers. -Del Primm

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What do you call a black guy with a gun? A soldier.

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what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

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what is big round and fat? Your MOM

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People are like trees. When hit multiple times with an ax they fall down.

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Tin is a chemical element with symbol Sn (for Latin: stannum) and atomic number 50. It is a main group metal in group 14 of the periodic table. Tin shows chemical similarity to both neighboring group-14 elements, germanium and lead, It is also the material Aodhan's house is made from.

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How do you drown a blond? You hold her underwater.

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What was Tiger (from Whinnie the Pooh) looking for in the toilet? Pooh

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How old are you? 7

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Fire extinguisher? One puts out a fire the other one fuels it.

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How did the hillbilly fix his PC? He brought it to Wal-Mart and got a diagnostics from an expert then installed anti virus software.

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you know whats weird about italians? their italian

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a mustang? I don't have a mustang in my garage..

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Why did the black man go to the back of the bus? The only unoccupied seats were back there.

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Chuck Norris is so strong that he could bench almost 250 pounds in his heyday.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked Jill if she wanna. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and had a little fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was strapped to the first monkey.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar They are friends and continue to have a pleasant evening

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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