How do you turn a piece of meat into a vegetable Break her neck

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey.

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Malcolm Johnson from Zenith windows, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a while about some fantastic offers which we currently have on double glazed windows....

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Why couldnt hellen keller drive because she was a women

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Your mom says hi!.........Jinks!!!! yeah yeah yeah yeah yeaaaah.

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where did Bob go during the bombing attacks? All over the walls.

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What has seven legs and cant walk? A paraplegic, and I lied about five of those legs.

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Q: Why did the boy fall off his bicycle? A: Because someone threw a fridge at him.

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Why couldn't Billy the bird fly? He was an ostrich, ostriches can't fly.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was dead.

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i got angry and i was like " i really want to kick someone" ,my friend was on the ground and shes like "you can kick me" ,and i'm like "REALLY" ,then i kicked her really hard and she cried...

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why did the black go to the KFC because he likes fried chicken

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what did the white man call a black man that was awarded the job he applied for? He stated the man was a hard worker and deserved the job. Then he walked up to the man with a smile and congraduated him. Then he went home and commited suicide after he concluded he didnt deserve to live.

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What's brown,green got four legs and can fall out of a tree and kill you? A snooker table.

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johnny goes to the shops asks the lady at the counter, can i go home The Lady says ..... Buy one get one free

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What do you call a cat with 1 eye, 4 legs, and its tongue out? Road kill.

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What turns red and explodes in a microwave A cat

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What is the difference between a black man and a burnt pizza? -Nothing there both black.

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alex is cool

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? For fitness! ...yeah... nobody laughed when Jonah Hill said it either... awkward

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? rockband

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What did Superman say to Batman when they first met? Nothing. They are not real.

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A zebra dies and goes to animal heaven. All the animals around him are trotting, flying, jumping, each according to its own species, in the kind of bliss that only eternity can bring. But the zebra is not impressed and mopes through heaven's green fields. A giraffe notices his languid stupor and asks, "Why so glum, pal?" The zebra mournfully replies, "All my life I've wondered if I was black with white stripes or white with black stripes." The giraffe, hoping to get the zebra to some answers as quickly as possible, suggests, "Why not go as God?" The zebra, somewhat taken aback by the notion that God might give him an audience, replies, "Oh, I can do that?" The giraffe says, "Sure, I'll show you the way!" The giraffe leads the zebra to a great tabernacle of gold and points the way up a long stairway of diamond. The zebra follows the stairs up to two great ivory doors. But no matter what he tried, the zebra couldn't get the door open. The only animals that could open the door for him would be the primates because of their opposable digits, but the zebra wasn't much of a social animal, so he didn't have any friends. He spent eternity with no answer to his question.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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