What did the tree say to the kite? She got hit by a fridge.

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Q: What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? A: Nothing, he's Jewish.

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Why did the blond fail her Calculus test? She had a Biology test on the same day, and being that she is a bio major she felt it would be to her interest to put more emphasis on the bio test because she is only taking cal as an advanced elective credit, which would not effect her major GPA.

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A man walks into a bar. Except its a metal bar, and he fractures his skull on it. He died in the hospital a few hours later

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How do you teach an asian baby to read? Enroll him in a good pre-school and practice regularly.

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Ed Milliband looks like an amphibian.

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What's worse than having a FUPA? The Holocaust

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What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A rape victim.

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What is the best kind of necro? Dead necro.

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A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".

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Two men walk into a bar. You would have thought one of them would have seen it.

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What did the asian kid do before he got a blood test? He studied.

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Hollywood presents: "HELP US MARIO! THE WORLD IS BEING OVERWHELMED BY KOOPA AND HIS FORCES OF TURTLES!" "What the hell do you want me to do? I am a damn plumber, squish them? Besides they are just turtles" "Oh yeah..." Steven Spielberg: Get bay on this script, at least its much better than the first one.

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Whats worse than 10 dead babies in 1 trashcan? 10 dead trashcans in 1 baby

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What's the difference between me and a dead baby? I'm not dead, or a baby. I am well into my teens and very healthy.

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There was a homeless man living all by his lonesome on a street corner, desperately begging for money. Suddenly, a car comes to a screeching halt and out of the window flies a thin, square piece of plastic. The hobo successfully catches it in both hands. "Whats dis?" he says, "What da hick can I do wid a stinkin wada plastic?" he says, failing to realizing the significance of the thin square of plastic, for he is but a hobo and has been out of touch with reality for quite some time. After some time, he gains back his common sense, "Aha!" he shouts, "it is but a condom!" A few days pass, the man wondering alone in search for a way to make use of his prized, plastic square. He encounters a beautiful female hobo (at least he thinks she is) and they make love. So not only does the hobo make use of the silly condom (which expired-he just doesn't know) he get's laid and keeps warm in the brutal winter weather by getting cozy with the hobo chick. There are some pros in being a hobo, you know. After a month, both hobos make the faithful decision to join their cardboard boxes together, thus creating a new home where they live happily ever after <3

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Guess what. Chicken butt.

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Do you know the joke about the two guys who went to Paris ? Me neither.

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Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet? The people who were in charge of that decision.

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Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? It isn't doing anything, sir. It's dead.

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A boy walks into a bar. Because he was under-age, security kicked him out as soon as possible and alerted his parents.

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What do you call a polar bear in the desert? Bobby Marksson.

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Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.

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A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling. "I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said. So he found some berries, but spit them out. "These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said. He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees. "That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said. He then stumbled upon a cabin. "I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered. The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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