Q: how do you crush a Chinese man's dreams? A: tell him he is worthless and will never prosper.

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Why Bono always walk barefoot ? Because he's an asshole.

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Wanna hear a dead baby joke? Of course you don't. they're sick and disgusting and enjoyment of one merits only the deepest of society's hatred and scorn.

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why did the polar bear bury his face into snow? because he saw the 241543903 post and wanted to join in so he used a portal gun to teleport his head into some guy's freezer.

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Why was the clown in red shoes wearing skis? Because he likes to ski in red shoes, and he's a clown

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A man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man. He then joins them.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bad at rhyming...... TITS

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Simon says.. Nothing because he is deaf, so therefor he would have to sign it to you.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Make some fucking lemonade.

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What did the Nazi solider receive on his birthday? A bayonet up his ass.

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I always like to pack a second pair of pants, because if there's one thing my mother ever said to me it was 'please, I'm begging you - don't put me in a home.'

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why did the dad stop working on the roof he fell off

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Why doesn't Superman eat peanuts? He doesn't like them

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Why did Jimmy fail his math test? Because he had a mental disability

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue No they're not They're purple

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A dolphin walks into a bar. Dolphins do not have legs therefore this is physically impossible.

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A fish finds that his fishbowl is on fire. He escapes the bowl only to realize he is equally screwed.

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A muslim walks pass a bomb shop on his way to the international peace club.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Living through the Holocaust and finding a time machine to take you back to the beginning of it again.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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What do you call the child of a black male and an asian female? A child of mixed ethnicities.

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Roses are Red Violets are Black Why is your chest As flat as your back

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How do you make a Flamingo cry? Hit it with a sledgehammer.

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How many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house? I don't know considering it was never done before, and that the size of the pancake would have to be taken into account. Although I would suggest you use a better material like wood, plastic, or metal.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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