Why did the chicken cross the road? It was commiting suicide

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the black man fall asleep in the unemployment line? Because he was dangerously fatigued from staying up all night weeping passionately into the arms of his wife after losing his high-earning job of twenty years after the CEO of the company declared bankruptcy and finding out that his only daughter was in the hospital in critical condition after her school bus flipped off a bridge.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why did the chicken cross the road? I wouldn't consider Mark a chicken. In fact, given the high speed and volume of cars traversing that particular road in both directions, I'd say it was a ballsy move. In hindsight, though, he probably should have waited for the "walk" symbol to appear for pedestrians, in order to avoid being run over by a bus. Anyway, if Pastor John would like to say a few words before we finally put Mark's body to rest...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats black, dead, and hangs from a tree in my backyard? Your Mom

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Did y'all see Lafell catch that pass? Neither did I

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why didn't Billy's parents get him any birthday presents? Billy was an accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is the difference between a cow and a human? A lot of things.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How many jewish people can you fit in a Volkswagen? depending on the class of car but a mid range SUV can seat up to seven.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you know when everybody on a plane crash is dead ? When your the only one who walked out

thumb_up thumb_down -9

a mexican, a asian and a black guy are in a car whos driving? your mom

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing because muffins can't talk. The other muffin replied, 'What an odd conversation starter!'

thumb_up thumb_down +9

how do you make a blonde snowman? hollow out the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why didn't the man show up for work on Monday? He gets Mondays off.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why did the little girl drop her ice cream cone? She got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down +27

a homeless man walks into a bar, the bartender and patrons treat him nicely, and sympathize for his current situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q:How do you turn off a Jewish Lamp? A: You press the Auschwitz.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

What can eat, sleep, and reproduce? Not a rock, that's for sure.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What does a person say before they die? Whatever their last word is

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why does Santa live in the north pole? Because his spicy body fat keeps him warm.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops