How do you get a dead baby out of a blender? Doritos.

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Knock Knock who's there? ... who's there?!?!?! ... WHO'S THERE ?!?!?!? ... stupid kids.

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A man walks into a bar, he realizes his mistake and walks into the dentist next door where he had made an appointment to get his teeth cleaned.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing, you should call a local animal rescue number and care to its needs.

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A. Why did the chicken cross the road? B. It was the chickens decision thus, not affecting your life greatly. You should therefore mind your own business and let the chicken live his life with capability of using it's rights.

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How do you make a blond cry? You punch her in the face.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? A waste of time because they just be playing soccer

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HEY.... HEY YOU..... YEA YOU! IM TALKING TO YOU!!! yolo

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Whats small, red and white, and would kill you if shot out of a cannon? A decapitated baby

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What do you call two babys with one head? I dont know either, answers on postcard please!

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Baking a cake can be very hard and stressful, just like beating a slut with an axe.

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Q. What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline? A. I don't were cleats when I jump on my trampoline.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What do you catch a baby with? A pitchfork

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Stop screaming! The damn uppercase letters make my head hurt! Let a lady have it for once!

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I dont know so why are you asking?

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Why are bowling balls racist? They are not because bowling balls are incapable of having feeling therfore they cannot have racial thoughts or actions.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust.

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Why was the man eaten by a tiger? Because tigers are carnivores, but why are they carnivores? Because they eat meat.

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If Chuck Norris were to be hit by a train he would die

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Q: What do you do when the light burns out A: Just replace it with a bulb from a less used room

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I had a great joke to tell you. I didn't want people stealing my ideas so I didn't write it. Haha

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the little boy got in a ice cream truck he cant sit down anymore

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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