How are trees and friends alike? They are both subject to fall when struck with an axe.

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How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One

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What do a platypus and Obama have in common? A brain, except for Obama.

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What do you do when you come to a fork in the road? You take it

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why did the chicken cross the road? I don't care! What are you doing in my house?

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Why did the little kid fall off the rollercoaster? His dad threw him off.

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A man walks into a bar... who cares what happens after that Charlie Sheen is winning and Osama Bin Laden is dead

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Two guys go hunting and one of them aims the sniper at the other guy's house and says "I see your wife's cheating on you again with another man" he replies "I've had it with her, shoot him in the privates and shoot her in the mouth" the friend says "I'll get that in one shot".

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what did the rooster get for his birthday? nothing

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You ask a German how long it takes to go from Berlin to Amsterdam. He replies, ''About four hours by tank."

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Johnny just finished his pie.

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What do you call a black man that flies a plane? -A pilot

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A black guy walks into a dilapidated house and purchases large amounts of narcotics. Racism isn't funny.

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what is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? -one is the chosen people of Isreal and one is a food that was founded in Italy

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a jew walked into a bar-mitzvah

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Why isn't pluto a planet anymore? Nasa decided it was too small

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There's was an old lady. She fell in a puddle

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says, "It is quite hot in here." This is a lie. Neither of the muffins spoke because in reality, Muffins are not only inanimate objects, they are not humans, and therefore they do not have the ability to speak in a comprehensible language.

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Two cats were in a bathtub. They both, however, were uneasy the whole time, as it is common sense to know that cats do not like being in water.

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Not from my wife if that is what you think, but its best people dont know who she is, because you know... A guy that gets many ladies = A playa. A girl that lets his guy do that, well, my wife feels safe about her husband (I am dead honest), but I cant expect people to suddenly go "oh yeah, his wife is totally cool and secure about it all, rather than an insecure idiot that allows him to sleep around like the dog he is) Strictly spoken, I am no dog, women say all men are pigs, but no woman settles for a boy, so that makes me a pig.

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Me: f*** off Asshole: YOUR MOM! Me: -is dead.

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A horse walks into a bar, The bar tender says, "why the long face?" The horse replies, "my wife has terminal cancer"

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Your Adopted Deal With It!!!

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You have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars. You both have the same amount of money.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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