What does a pelican and a taxman have in common? Both are bipedal, both are carbon-based lifeforms that procreate by DNA replication, both in all probablility eat fish, both have survival instinct, both require fresh water for hydration, both have five senses; vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell, both are capable of at least limited cognition, and both can turn aggressive when provoked.

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what did one cow say to the other cow. nothing as its mouth was filled with grass thus it could not speak or it would be deemed as rude.

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How many dead babies can you fit in my car? None, I don't allow anyone to put dead babies in my car.

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Why did the depressed man commit suicide? Its typical of a depressed person.

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Why did Jimmy eat the apple? Because he was obese and needed to eat healthy because his doctor suggested it.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The mailman. I don't believe you.

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Picture This, you are going down the freeway in a yellow four-door banana, going 75 mph and all 4 tires blow out, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse? Theres no bones in ice cream.

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Your mumma is so fat, she has diabetes.

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Where did the watch-dog take the blind man on Saturday afternoon? Wherever the blind man wanted to go

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why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

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How dead people are in a graveyard? All of them

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What do you call a giraffe driving a car?.. Your Imagination

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What happens when you try to rescue a cat from a tree? It jumps on your face, falls down, and dies.

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What does Santa and a grape have in common? They're both purple, except Santa.

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What did lil' Suzy do when she got home from school? She was violently mutilated by a bear then continually but raped by a man she met on the Internet. Needless to say, she had a great time. -Harrison

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A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" The parrot was his fathers. Do to severe mental and physical illness, he can no longer take care of it. He asked his son to take it, those were his last words as he slipped into a coma

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why was the black guy running from the cops? i dont know either

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb in WW2. None, the Nazis toke away the power and left them to die a Horrible and painful death.

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So a guy walks into a bar. He asks the woman next to him, ''Can I buy you a drink?'' The woman says,''No thank you.''

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What did the man say when he saw a truck in his yard? There's a truck in my yard.

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What did one chimney say to the other chimney. Nothing, chimneys dont talk.

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How many cupcakes are there in the world joe How many? I don't know I was asking you.

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Your mom is so fat, she has diabetes.

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You wanna pop a bottle? I hope you are referring to bottles of water as I am underage and I refuse to partake in any said consumption of alcoholic beverages

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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