What did the teacher say to the kid who got a 0 on a multiple choice spelling test? Wow your really dumb. Idiot

thumb_up thumb_down -14

So I was walking down the street the other day, I went to the shop.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a blind fish? Amblyopsidae.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Arnold Schwarzenegger at Terminator: Gaynysis (or whatever I wont bother checking that out) YA NEED TO REMUV THE QUANTANAMO TRANSLACATOR TO RELOCALIZAYSEE THE INTERDEEMENENTIONAL MAYTREX! Yes, Pops but what about the time travel Paradox? YOU NEEED TO REMOV THE CRISTAL PALARDOXAL WARCALIBREITOR IN ORDA TO DESINSTONYSE THE DEEMENTIAL CORDALOXEY! Me: *Leaving the cinema* Moral: If you thought the trailer was like "meh", then you will soon realize it was the best part off the movie... The only part that is meh, and while I can honestly say I dont understand shit about how timelines work in Terminator (The creators dont do it either) Having Arnold Fucking Swartsnigger go with the Geek lingo DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! To explain things to me, NOTHIIIIING!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what do you call a black man with a knife in his hand? a surgeon.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

You're a wizard Harry! I am?

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Why did the chicken cross the road. It's head was cut off and it didn't know where it was

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Knock Knock Who's there? Charles Grodin. Charles Grodin who? Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the astronaut die in space? Just kidding there was no astronaut. It was a cucumber

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why is Obama's name Obama? Obama

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Do you know what killed the cat? Feline AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why did the irishman need plastic surgery? because after the bear attack where there used to be a face there is now a gap

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man, a dog and a pregnant woman walked into a bar, the man bought a beer, the dog was put back outside as the pub didn't allow animals and the pregnant woman didn't buy anything alcoholic as she didn't want to risk the life of her unborn child-she had a soda.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Miami Heat.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

im a barbie girl in a barbie world !!!! no your not its not phisicly possible for a plastic doll to have any form of feelings !!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

The WNBA

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

How do you make a homeless person cry? cut an onion in front of him.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you do when your dishwasher isn't working? Beat it senseless, and then tell your wife you need a new one.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the black man say to the fat Irish lady? Hi.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

a blonde, brunette and a red head are all goin to jump off a bridge and turn into something. the brunette jumps and says fish, and she turns into a fish. the red head says eagle and becomes an eagle. the blonde gets a running start, but then trips on the way off and she says shit and turns into a piece of shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why didn't the vampire go to the Garlic festival? Because it sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's a pirates favorite element the periodic table? Gold.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

whats long and pointy and guys always have to brag about whos got the biggest one? their christmas trees

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops