Why did Susy fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? NOT SUSY!

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Why was the alcoholic unable to pass a stool when he sat down on the toilet? Because he did it on the floor.

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What is chewy and tastes like gum? Chewing gum.

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What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, water and sand are incapable of speech. Unless of course you are Harry Potter in which case you can cast a spell on them and turn them into a cat which still couldn't talk and them from there you could wait for them to evolve which doesn't actually exist so you would have to ask God and then you would wait for a few years than they could say hi.

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why did the plane crash because the pilot was a tomato

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How do you confuse a Muslim? - Rub his belly.

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what has 50 legs, but can't walk? half of a centipede

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Boo Boo Who? Boo Smith

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman.

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Why aren't dragons real? Because if any animal were to breath fire (let alone have a gland that produced it), they would cease to live for their necks would scorch from the inside out.

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What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

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Why did everyone at school think that Susan was so hot? They set her on fire.

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Geuss what? Bob is wide awake and he likes strawberries but he didn't have any strawberries so he ate a hamburger but fred wanted a hamburger but bob ate it so he just ate bob but bob was wide awake so he saw fred eating him so he called the pigs to come and eat fred because pigs eat anything but the pigs had already eaten their daily freds so they ate bob because they hadn't already eaten their daily bob but fred had already eaten bob so they got angry at fred so they just ate him anyway but then they got fat so a wolf ate them but then some hunters killed the wolf and ate it so they are actually eating a hamburger because the wolf ate the pigs and the pigs ate fred and fred ate bob and bobb ate a hambuger but he actually likes strawberries.

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Can God do anything even if it's impossible? Yes. Can God make a rock so heavy he can't lift it? Yes. Can he lift that rock? Yes. Then he just failed at making a rock so heavy he can't lift it

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A Horse walks into a bar and the barman says 'What with the long face?' and the horse replys 'i'm a f*cking horse.'

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Customer: Waiter, waiter, there is a fly in my soup! Waiter: Sorry madam.

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What did the deer say to the hunter? If you shoot me i'll die.

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Stop driving smart cars you fags

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What do you call a young man holding a banana? Well, this joke had quite a good ending, but as this site only has anti jokes I am going to change the ending. Because he wanted to eat it.

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My friend died by getting shot in the head. But he respawned back at his checkpoint.

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What do you call a Jewish wanna be gangster? Drake

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put my sausage in your oven

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Why did Sally Fall Off The Swing? She had no arms Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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