There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Why did the man have square fingers? Because he has Apert Syndrome

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What's more greasy than grease? Kevin's hair

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What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

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what do you call an arse bandit? lady gaga's tanning salon attendants 3rd cousins dog chauffeur, roberto

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whats 2+2? 4

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Why did the black guy smell so bad? Because he accidently jumped into a pool of garbage disposal.

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knock knock who's there? the man the man who? the man who murdered your whole family

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why did the blonde fall down a mineshaft? Beacuse the rapist needed somewhere to hide the body

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Q. What is small, ugly and severely asthmatic? A. My younger brother. Jimmy.

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If you can't see what I see... You must be blind. If you can see what I see... Well I can't be blind because I have been able to see all my life!

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Why was the old lady sad? Her husband was raped by an angry gallon of milk.

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"hey bro" "WHATS UP" "nothin..... I heard you had your first bj yesterday." "YEAH!!" "how'd it taste?" ........

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no hands.

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Wait, I am sleepy as the world which spawned you Nero, but which comment is mine again?

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A hemophiliac walks into a bar. Then he dies of internal bleeding.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was late for its laser bypass surgery.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

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What did the dog say to its anus? Woof

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Why couldn't the Asian man speak in chinese? He never learned chinese

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why did the man have a hole in his face? because syphillis had eaten a hole in it

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Why shouldn't you try to pick up a live scorpion with your teeth? Because it could easily sting your face, or mouth.

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Why was the Muslim crying? Because his brother got hit by a bus.

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Why do guys love to wrestle? They like to have physical contact with other men.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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